Discussion about this post

User's avatar
Mark Gibbons's avatar

Be a man! For Christ's sake! (there's that constant contradiction, right?) You, me, Duncan, and all the other cry-baby bros out there have been blessed with a strong feminine influence. This culture has always been about maintaining those Christian roles. Men are here to procreate, provide, and protect. Showing emotion shows vulnerability, and that is a dangerous state to be in for a man, a sentry, a leader of the pack and instrument of the angry-God of the Old Testament. That's our tradition, particularly in the west and the Bible belt. I think most men in the arts have a strong feminine influence. Plenty are gay which we associate with the feminine usually. So, bro, anytime you want to get together for a bawl-fest let me know (no I'm not talking a ball-fest like the Borat naked chase scene). Things are changing, but they change so slowly. We are examples of that. I think balance is the ideal. My mother was just as strong as my dad, and she had the other power, the power of love, the power of the erotic. My dad had it, too, but he suppressed it, medicated it, and isolated it. The old culture taught us to conform or drop out because it would make an example of you if you didn't. Power doesn't like change, but change is inevitable. Slow but inevitable. Cyber hugs, dude. It's a lonely life to not know and love the feminine. God is obviously a mother. It's the only thing that makes any sense. Peace and love, man.

Expand full comment
Julia Park Tracey's avatar

I also see the crying issue for bros as (generally) gendered, and a parallel to that is dismissing women, when they cry, as "weak." (If Hillary had dared to cry like Kavanaugh!!!) My personal parallel is that I always used to find myself apologizing when I sweat. Like, it isn't ladylike and ohmygod what if people see me sweat or smell me, even worse. But I've stopped that. I have stopped adding smiley faces to my emails and texts because women's smiles tend to be defensive (a display of the teeth to show we mean no harm) (to men, so they won't kill us; to women, so they won't shun us). I've stopped saying "I just...(verb)" because I've been diminishing my own wants and needs for decades. Little things like that are positive steps I've taken to reclaim the space I deserve to hold on this planet. Cry your way through readings if you want, because fuck it.

Now, on the other hand, I am not a crier (except when facing down my rage-a-holic dad, or watching animal videos), because I learned before speech, before memory, that life was terrifying and that crying did not get me anywhere. When I do cry, I am riven with shame. I feel so small and ugly and gross, it makes me hate myself. But I feel the pain deeply. I FEEL it. It comes out of me in different ways -- my writing, my skin erupts in a rash, my hands shake -- I have all the feels, but few tears. Maybe one. Maybe two. But that's about it. Because 1. childhood trauma. 2. PTSD 3. meds. 4 needs more therapy.

So I admire your tears and see how they cleanse and bond. I look coldhearted, perhaps. But I'm crying on the inside.

Expand full comment
31 more comments...

No posts