I have three kids--10 and twin 12-year-olds--and I HATE how normalized surveillance in their and our lives has become. They can't knock on a neighbor's door without a Ring camera recording their actions. Someone once posted on our neighborhood Facebook page about a group of kids in the wooded area by the park who were climbing and breaking branches off of trees. You know...the thing kids have been doing since the beginning of time. I know my boys were among them, where they'd created a game with a group of others called "The Boys of the Woods" and were busy building forts and whatnot. I'd rather have them out there than on screens any day, and the thought that others were monitoring and judging their VERY NORMAL kid behavior makes me sick.
I help with a cooking class for 8-12 year olds that happens weekly in the kitchen of our community centre. At the same time across the hall there are two big ice pads in continuous use by the many minor hockey teams in our area. It's a busy place. It is a noisy place. Our kitchen shares a wall with a multi-use room and there is a half hour overlap with a yoga class, a yoga class that has made our group the focus of their ire about noise. They keep coming over to tell me to "make" the children be quiet. Are they loud? Sometimes. They are boisterous. Sometimes they are in high spirits and it gets loud but when reminded that the yoga folks are in session, they dial it back, at least temporarily. They are children who have spent all day in school so taking this into account, I don't think it is too much. I mean, if you want perfectly silent except for new age music classes, maybe a class in the middle of an arena complex isn't best. At the last class a woman stomped in to say that she was reporting us and "there is going to be trouble". It troubles me that in a community setting children are not allowed to just be children and that their very presence, as children, is a problem.
i find myself wondering if the folks who called the cops also complain about how kids these days don't want to work and how they used to do odd jobs for their neighbors to make pocket money. maybe that isn't very generous of me
Your posts always put me in a reflective frame of mind, usually over my first coffee of the day while the family are still sleeping (this was no exception). This morning's pre-dawn ruminations:
I get asked about US v. UK differences a lot. The first one for me was the flag. On my very first morning in this country, struck by the abundance of stars and stripes as my wife-to-be showed me around her neighborhood in North Seattle, I asked her if there was a holiday or a big international sporting event approaching. She was puzzled by the question, and I explained that those are the only time Brits tend to get the flag out. It’s rarely a permanent fixture. These days I barely notice it, although I'm still taken aback sometimes by how *seriously* the flag is treated here. It borders on idolatry. But that morning, horrendously jet-lagged, yet soaking in the mythical land of America for the very first time, its ubiquity was conspicuous and immediate.
15 years on, when asked, I find myself echoing my wife's verdict on the UK after her first visit - "ever-so slightly different, in thousands and thousands of ways". Usually I'll leave it at that, unless asked to elaborate. There are some biggies such as healthcare, guns (see idolatry), and sugar in fucking everything. But other things are more subtle and only reveal themselves after a decade of living here. One of these is an unsettling tendency in this country for citizens to police each other. Of course it happens in the UK too, but not to the same extent. Generally speaking, I feel people there instinctively have a more laissez faire approach to their fellow countryfolk. (Or at least they did when I left. No doubt the internet has changed that to a certain extent.)
I can't remember exactly what it was that prompted me to make this comment (it was a few years ago), but the essence was "we don't need the state to spy on us, the neighbors will do that for them". Perhaps that's painting too quaint an image of twitching curtains and bored gossipers, when what I'm really thinking of is the House of Un-American Activities and Trayvon Martin - both uniquely American events. On the other side of the aisle, I'd also be tempted to add call-out culture as a symptom of this tendency. Even when I agree with people, the moment they appoint themselves judge and jury, which they almost invariably do, we have a problem.
"Context is everything in an Indigenous worldview." Thank you for introducing us to Tyson Yunkaporta, Chris. I've felt that difference between Dispositional and Situational bias but I've never had it described in such a clear way. This is going to be really helpful in understanding what's going on.
And I love the idea of up-cycling the flag into a ribbon skirt!!
This is such an important message. Children are raised these days under total surveillance. It's been normalized for them. Think about that.
I don't say that to discount your main point about community, for which i say, Right On. Like my neighbors calling animal control on me when my chickens ventured a bit too far.
Really appreciated this particular reflection, Chris! AND, we are amidst a massive dust storm, too, a full day's drove south of where you are in Billings. Can't even see the mountains a mere 30 miles west. Hope you get safely home.
Chris, I had a very cool experience just now, reading your post. (An aside first--I have recently become acquainted with Tyson Yunkaporta's work via SAND TALK and I think he is a stunning thinker. I look forward to the one you mentioned. Thanks for quoting him.)
Anyway, I love the distinction between situational and dispositional bias, and as I was reading your thoughts on the neighbors who called the cops, after having the same outrage, it occurred to me that I should be asking the same question of their situation--"There must be a lot of pressure on that [neighbor who called the cops.} I wonder what’s going on?" Ideas that occurred to me were: they are an elderly person or someone living alone who feels more threatened/exhausted by kids' pranks. It's someone who knows one of the kids and has tried talk, but thinks they need to up the ante so the kid pays attention. They have a communication issue, like being hard of hearing, or a speech impediment, that makes it hard for them to stand up for themselves verbally. They have been broken into before and have reactivity/vulnerability around tresspass. Maybe none of these, or something else. This had little to do with critiquing your point, and more to hold myself accountable--I have a too-easy time finding someone to demonize when I am pissed, and I am trying to work on it.
But then, imagine my delight when I got to the next paragraph and you said, "I concede I am practicing a degree of dispositional bias in my judgment of the cops-caller." I like it when a reader and a writer arrive at similar shifts together. One of the things I appreciate most about your writing is this self-reflexivity, the ability to see another side often and with compassion and without defense. I admire it.
And yes, even after my exercise in situational thinking, I agree with your hunch--talk to the kids, please! Or, if it's hard, bring in another adult to help. We can be allies for each other in many ways, one of which is, keeping a police presence out of ordinary human relationships.
"What reason do kids have not to be little shits to adults when adults set such a terrible example?" Amen.
I have three kids--10 and twin 12-year-olds--and I HATE how normalized surveillance in their and our lives has become. They can't knock on a neighbor's door without a Ring camera recording their actions. Someone once posted on our neighborhood Facebook page about a group of kids in the wooded area by the park who were climbing and breaking branches off of trees. You know...the thing kids have been doing since the beginning of time. I know my boys were among them, where they'd created a game with a group of others called "The Boys of the Woods" and were busy building forts and whatnot. I'd rather have them out there than on screens any day, and the thought that others were monitoring and judging their VERY NORMAL kid behavior makes me sick.
I help with a cooking class for 8-12 year olds that happens weekly in the kitchen of our community centre. At the same time across the hall there are two big ice pads in continuous use by the many minor hockey teams in our area. It's a busy place. It is a noisy place. Our kitchen shares a wall with a multi-use room and there is a half hour overlap with a yoga class, a yoga class that has made our group the focus of their ire about noise. They keep coming over to tell me to "make" the children be quiet. Are they loud? Sometimes. They are boisterous. Sometimes they are in high spirits and it gets loud but when reminded that the yoga folks are in session, they dial it back, at least temporarily. They are children who have spent all day in school so taking this into account, I don't think it is too much. I mean, if you want perfectly silent except for new age music classes, maybe a class in the middle of an arena complex isn't best. At the last class a woman stomped in to say that she was reporting us and "there is going to be trouble". It troubles me that in a community setting children are not allowed to just be children and that their very presence, as children, is a problem.
If you can't practice though tumult and mayhem, you aren't practicing yoga.
A favorite inner mantra of mine when my holier-than-thou yogi mind gets a foothold:
"OMMM, what the fuck is your problem?"
They are absolutely missing the point of yoga!
i find myself wondering if the folks who called the cops also complain about how kids these days don't want to work and how they used to do odd jobs for their neighbors to make pocket money. maybe that isn't very generous of me
Great point.
I was thinking the same thing!
"I’ve been in a state of flabbergast ever since." <-- really captures my headspace lately
I cannot believe they sent out photos of those kids!
Thanks for sharing these stories, and your thoughts about them.
Your posts always put me in a reflective frame of mind, usually over my first coffee of the day while the family are still sleeping (this was no exception). This morning's pre-dawn ruminations:
I get asked about US v. UK differences a lot. The first one for me was the flag. On my very first morning in this country, struck by the abundance of stars and stripes as my wife-to-be showed me around her neighborhood in North Seattle, I asked her if there was a holiday or a big international sporting event approaching. She was puzzled by the question, and I explained that those are the only time Brits tend to get the flag out. It’s rarely a permanent fixture. These days I barely notice it, although I'm still taken aback sometimes by how *seriously* the flag is treated here. It borders on idolatry. But that morning, horrendously jet-lagged, yet soaking in the mythical land of America for the very first time, its ubiquity was conspicuous and immediate.
15 years on, when asked, I find myself echoing my wife's verdict on the UK after her first visit - "ever-so slightly different, in thousands and thousands of ways". Usually I'll leave it at that, unless asked to elaborate. There are some biggies such as healthcare, guns (see idolatry), and sugar in fucking everything. But other things are more subtle and only reveal themselves after a decade of living here. One of these is an unsettling tendency in this country for citizens to police each other. Of course it happens in the UK too, but not to the same extent. Generally speaking, I feel people there instinctively have a more laissez faire approach to their fellow countryfolk. (Or at least they did when I left. No doubt the internet has changed that to a certain extent.)
I can't remember exactly what it was that prompted me to make this comment (it was a few years ago), but the essence was "we don't need the state to spy on us, the neighbors will do that for them". Perhaps that's painting too quaint an image of twitching curtains and bored gossipers, when what I'm really thinking of is the House of Un-American Activities and Trayvon Martin - both uniquely American events. On the other side of the aisle, I'd also be tempted to add call-out culture as a symptom of this tendency. Even when I agree with people, the moment they appoint themselves judge and jury, which they almost invariably do, we have a problem.
Great reflections, Colin. I appreciate you sharing them.
"Context is everything in an Indigenous worldview." Thank you for introducing us to Tyson Yunkaporta, Chris. I've felt that difference between Dispositional and Situational bias but I've never had it described in such a clear way. This is going to be really helpful in understanding what's going on.
And I love the idea of up-cycling the flag into a ribbon skirt!!
I love Tyson Yunkaporta.
We were all punks once. Have a safe drive home, Chris.
I loved the quotes from Tyson Yunkaporta. TY
I’m happy that the North Side remains feral!
😂
This is such an important message. Children are raised these days under total surveillance. It's been normalized for them. Think about that.
I don't say that to discount your main point about community, for which i say, Right On. Like my neighbors calling animal control on me when my chickens ventured a bit too far.
Ugh. I want to fly a middle finger every time I pass a surveillance camera but I'd wear the thing out.
BOLO for Jim and Randy cruising through your neighborhood looking for those kids!
Bottle kids!
Really appreciated this particular reflection, Chris! AND, we are amidst a massive dust storm, too, a full day's drove south of where you are in Billings. Can't even see the mountains a mere 30 miles west. Hope you get safely home.
Thank you for sharing your perspective of community.
Love reading you be angry!
1) Down with the surveillance state.
2) Bacon should NEVER be dipped in a milkshake.
Chris, I had a very cool experience just now, reading your post. (An aside first--I have recently become acquainted with Tyson Yunkaporta's work via SAND TALK and I think he is a stunning thinker. I look forward to the one you mentioned. Thanks for quoting him.)
Anyway, I love the distinction between situational and dispositional bias, and as I was reading your thoughts on the neighbors who called the cops, after having the same outrage, it occurred to me that I should be asking the same question of their situation--"There must be a lot of pressure on that [neighbor who called the cops.} I wonder what’s going on?" Ideas that occurred to me were: they are an elderly person or someone living alone who feels more threatened/exhausted by kids' pranks. It's someone who knows one of the kids and has tried talk, but thinks they need to up the ante so the kid pays attention. They have a communication issue, like being hard of hearing, or a speech impediment, that makes it hard for them to stand up for themselves verbally. They have been broken into before and have reactivity/vulnerability around tresspass. Maybe none of these, or something else. This had little to do with critiquing your point, and more to hold myself accountable--I have a too-easy time finding someone to demonize when I am pissed, and I am trying to work on it.
But then, imagine my delight when I got to the next paragraph and you said, "I concede I am practicing a degree of dispositional bias in my judgment of the cops-caller." I like it when a reader and a writer arrive at similar shifts together. One of the things I appreciate most about your writing is this self-reflexivity, the ability to see another side often and with compassion and without defense. I admire it.
And yes, even after my exercise in situational thinking, I agree with your hunch--talk to the kids, please! Or, if it's hard, bring in another adult to help. We can be allies for each other in many ways, one of which is, keeping a police presence out of ordinary human relationships.
Sorry so long--thank you!