One thing I find interesting is that in at least some eastern traditions, anger and compassion lie along the same meridians. I take what I’ve learned to mean anger can be the door through which we fully open to compassion. I’ve also come to believe there’s no true compassion without self compassion. I sit with this.
Today I had an experience of having my boundaries violated by a medical professional. Not sexually, but by not listening, forcing my body when I was screaming out in pain and leaving me bruised. I let it happen. I didn’t scream stop. My reaction to scream stop was delayed until I left. It’s so engrained in me not to say stop. If we can’t say stop when it’s our bodies how do we say stop to the violations of others and the planet? This afternoon I practiced screaming STOP and NO.
Something I think about re: Mary Oliver: She is my favourite poet AND one of the few I can even name. She also had a traumatic childhood which she rarely, if ever, talked about in any detail (there is an excellent interview with her in the On Being podcast in which Krista Tippet seems to want her to divulge details and Oliver skillfully sidesteps this intrusion) while always sharing specifics about how she found joy, connection, and belonging. I turn to Wild Geese again and again, and share it often, because it is one of the strongest reminders most people I know need to hear. It's not that she glosses over or ignores suffering, but that her poetry speaks to an understanding that almost every one of us is carrying some heavy shit. She doesn't need to be specific about the experiences that led her to find solace in writing poetry about all the beautiful things in the world because that is already there in the poetry itself.
That Red Hand files is one of the most profound things I've read in years. I've been coming back to it again and again as my mother's health crumbles, and she's so shocked! that decades of anorexia, chain smoking and vodka are coming home to roost. Or rather, shocked that death is coming for her too. She was a terrible mother in so many ways, but she's the only member of my immediate family left, and I'm going to have to deal, and I found Cave's description of the inevitable losses that are coming for us all a good point of compassion.
As for the Queen. We Tweeted about it -- fuck the monarchy. It's a ghoulish relic of imperialistic theivery, upholding it means you're just fine with the idea that some people are "special" and deserve a life of luxury while the rest of us just get on with it? Give me the fuck you energy of the Irish any time over this fawning nonsense we're seeing in the US and the UK.
But at least it looks like the tide has turned in Ukraine .. fingers crossed.
Anger does not preclude us from kindness, or from celebrating the good and joyful things that have always been in great abundance in this world. Thank you for the quote by Maya Angelou. I have succumbed to bitterness, and I need to focus on anger and joy instead.
I was so glad to see your inclusion of the Maya Angelou words on bitterness. I take the falling into bitterness very seriously. I have seen what it does to people, am seeing what its legacy is doing to people in my community and also the planet as a whole. It scares me how easily bitterness is minimized or misread or denied as such. I think of how bitterness wraps itself around its source in the person and squeezes the life from them, of how bitterness does what all the "isms" truly want: death of the soul of the bearer.
I agree with Ms. Angelou, Mr. Cage, yourself, and so many others who've written here: use our anger, don't let it use us.
Currently, I have a little lump in my back. Someone felt it, and I asked my doctor about it, and she said it’s almost certainly benign but I should go get it checked out, which I will do.
Anyway, this isn’t about the lump in my back. It’s about being told about the lump in my back. Before I was told about it, I didn’t feel it -- not consciously at least. Now that I know about it though I’ve started noticing -- my right shoulder is higher (and somehow more forward?) than my left, and my head tilts to the left a little, and maybe I’m walking a little funny too.
I think you, and this newsletter, and poetry, and nature, and walks, and so on ... they partner with anger in that they can get someone to stop & notice -- huh, all these people are missing. Huh, our shoulders sit different without them. We walk differently without our brothers & sisters with us, we have more to support, or we support the weight differently.
To me, the stopping-and-observing poetry/art/writing/way-of-life can be an important part of the process of also being angry about shit, I guess is what I’m trying to say, though I also completely understand the tension.
I feel kinship with you here Chris. It is a relief to know that the spite that I harbour for all this mourning of the loss of Queen wasn’t mine alone. The ghost of Britain’s oppressive past still haunts those of us whose ancestors suffered the consequences of colonialism. How am I supposed to feel sorrow for something I dissociate so severely? It angers me to see that I’m somehow supposed to feel shame for my lack of grief for Britain’s loss. Although I have nothing against the queen personally but that family represents something that I was raised to dislike. In India we struggled for 200 years before we earned our freedom from colonialism and at the cost of our country being divided into different religions. 3 million ancestors died in Bangladesh because the Crown instigated its officials to fill Hindus and muslims with contentions against each other - the policy of ‘divide and rule’. Am I just supposed to forget all that history and worship the deceased queen like she was the one last goddess who lived on Earth ? I wish I too could let go of this inherent anger but no one knows better than you how hard it is.
On another note, I love Mary Oliver and the tenderness and awareness of nature with which she wrote. Thank you for sharing this write up. I’m really moved to know that you too are helping people when you can.
We had a vigil in Great Falls last Friday to mourn with our unhoused community the deaths that have gone unrecognized since we started interacting officially with the homeless that congregate at the First United Methodist Church. Much grief and small steps towards healing.
Well, you and Maya and Mary have the right idea. Kindness reigns. It is the quality I cherish the most in the people I love.
I love the JLB quote. As far as I am concerned that gentleman possesses wisdom and talent beyond measure. And, as bad as things ever get, he always expresses hope for all of us. All of us who endeavor to make the world a better place.
As for the Queen, I’d like to think she did her best, given the circumstances she was born into. I had to laugh a bit when it was reported that she was very frugal and insisted on being careful with regard to the usage of electricity. The wardrobe, the castles, the horses, the gold encrusted carriages, etc. etc. Well, I suppose that all of that has kept lots of people employed.
Hang in there Chris and fight the good fight. It is very becoming.
I shared your tweet about the royal bones to my predominantly British Facebook family and friends. Playing devil's advocate to some extent, but I also thought it was pretty funny. They're fairly evenly split English and Welsh, and their responses were split accordingly - outrage from the Anglo-Saxons, thumbs up from the indigenous Britons.
Been a fascinating week for me personally, as a “Brit” (English/Irish/Welsh hybrid), a naturalized US citizen, and an unapologetic raving lefty. No love for the monarchy from me at all. But to deny the enormity and complexity of QEII's cultural significance in the UK would be foolish. There’s more than just the colonial mentality on display here (though that’s unquestionably part of it).
The best analogy I can come up with is the US flag. At the most fundamental level, they serve the same purpose. The UK Oath of Allegiance is made to the monarch, the US Pledge of Allegiance to the flag (and neither to the respective country, which has always puzzled me). Dig a little though, and we have two symbols of colonialism and oppression, which are also two idols we're expected to kneel before unquestioningly from infanthood. The results are the same. Here the flag is blindly worshipped by many, and any perceived slight against it is taken personally, and deeply (and in many cases furiously). I think we’re seeing the UK equivalent of that at the moment.
Thank you, Chris. Anger, not bitter. It's hard. It means not giving up, right?
We're driving through Navajo land heading home on back roads from family visits in Missouri and and Texas. Everyone masks. Everywhere requires masks. Outdoor Navajo taco cooks wear masks. Murals equate Covid with death. These lands and people got slammed.
I’d never before heard of Mary Oliver and now I’d love to read her poetry. Thank you for this gift. Anywhere in particular you’d recommend a newcomer begin?
One thing I find interesting is that in at least some eastern traditions, anger and compassion lie along the same meridians. I take what I’ve learned to mean anger can be the door through which we fully open to compassion. I’ve also come to believe there’s no true compassion without self compassion. I sit with this.
Today I had an experience of having my boundaries violated by a medical professional. Not sexually, but by not listening, forcing my body when I was screaming out in pain and leaving me bruised. I let it happen. I didn’t scream stop. My reaction to scream stop was delayed until I left. It’s so engrained in me not to say stop. If we can’t say stop when it’s our bodies how do we say stop to the violations of others and the planet? This afternoon I practiced screaming STOP and NO.
Something I think about re: Mary Oliver: She is my favourite poet AND one of the few I can even name. She also had a traumatic childhood which she rarely, if ever, talked about in any detail (there is an excellent interview with her in the On Being podcast in which Krista Tippet seems to want her to divulge details and Oliver skillfully sidesteps this intrusion) while always sharing specifics about how she found joy, connection, and belonging. I turn to Wild Geese again and again, and share it often, because it is one of the strongest reminders most people I know need to hear. It's not that she glosses over or ignores suffering, but that her poetry speaks to an understanding that almost every one of us is carrying some heavy shit. She doesn't need to be specific about the experiences that led her to find solace in writing poetry about all the beautiful things in the world because that is already there in the poetry itself.
That Red Hand files is one of the most profound things I've read in years. I've been coming back to it again and again as my mother's health crumbles, and she's so shocked! that decades of anorexia, chain smoking and vodka are coming home to roost. Or rather, shocked that death is coming for her too. She was a terrible mother in so many ways, but she's the only member of my immediate family left, and I'm going to have to deal, and I found Cave's description of the inevitable losses that are coming for us all a good point of compassion.
As for the Queen. We Tweeted about it -- fuck the monarchy. It's a ghoulish relic of imperialistic theivery, upholding it means you're just fine with the idea that some people are "special" and deserve a life of luxury while the rest of us just get on with it? Give me the fuck you energy of the Irish any time over this fawning nonsense we're seeing in the US and the UK.
But at least it looks like the tide has turned in Ukraine .. fingers crossed.
I was waiting to hear more from you on this. Thank you, Chris. I learn much from you and it always makes me think deeper.
Anger does not preclude us from kindness, or from celebrating the good and joyful things that have always been in great abundance in this world. Thank you for the quote by Maya Angelou. I have succumbed to bitterness, and I need to focus on anger and joy instead.
I was so glad to see your inclusion of the Maya Angelou words on bitterness. I take the falling into bitterness very seriously. I have seen what it does to people, am seeing what its legacy is doing to people in my community and also the planet as a whole. It scares me how easily bitterness is minimized or misread or denied as such. I think of how bitterness wraps itself around its source in the person and squeezes the life from them, of how bitterness does what all the "isms" truly want: death of the soul of the bearer.
I agree with Ms. Angelou, Mr. Cage, yourself, and so many others who've written here: use our anger, don't let it use us.
Currently, I have a little lump in my back. Someone felt it, and I asked my doctor about it, and she said it’s almost certainly benign but I should go get it checked out, which I will do.
Anyway, this isn’t about the lump in my back. It’s about being told about the lump in my back. Before I was told about it, I didn’t feel it -- not consciously at least. Now that I know about it though I’ve started noticing -- my right shoulder is higher (and somehow more forward?) than my left, and my head tilts to the left a little, and maybe I’m walking a little funny too.
I think you, and this newsletter, and poetry, and nature, and walks, and so on ... they partner with anger in that they can get someone to stop & notice -- huh, all these people are missing. Huh, our shoulders sit different without them. We walk differently without our brothers & sisters with us, we have more to support, or we support the weight differently.
To me, the stopping-and-observing poetry/art/writing/way-of-life can be an important part of the process of also being angry about shit, I guess is what I’m trying to say, though I also completely understand the tension.
NYT article on Cave.
Hope you can open it.
https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2022/09/12/magazine/nick-cave-interview.html?unlocked_article_code=cDdaa35KflC85G0XMD8YGMxGLKbiA6AlYI0VgCLk70r29_9KHt__lS_xOqLlOSzcMNhFZAM_fjGG0r5Hg1QZDEvFGbj_hFG86wW_CI4Yqb3zhozhtLOY7QJcht42pYYgDwzc9t6YS37zFMwB0TWedbcBJ2sBKK6GAOTMLG_IjVb2BN5pSm8tHqJYl3uaUiOlzmzwBXRzxmGliwYVQzscY7H766iOQvXYPdhiuVjdkHwy9MDqwIohJBOQfZ1gXFnLpeL_VZd90oU-jz96KbCXdpiTuMJeT7aTZO15Y5Gvu6SuU5pjjLcBF7TCEmdcQGwOi33qvTri6DbDqtcz3mil-c9Ihn-nuyKpOpw3B5I&smid=share-url
Lots to digest in today's newsletter Mr. La Tray so I'm gonna get back to it.
Thank you Chris
I feel kinship with you here Chris. It is a relief to know that the spite that I harbour for all this mourning of the loss of Queen wasn’t mine alone. The ghost of Britain’s oppressive past still haunts those of us whose ancestors suffered the consequences of colonialism. How am I supposed to feel sorrow for something I dissociate so severely? It angers me to see that I’m somehow supposed to feel shame for my lack of grief for Britain’s loss. Although I have nothing against the queen personally but that family represents something that I was raised to dislike. In India we struggled for 200 years before we earned our freedom from colonialism and at the cost of our country being divided into different religions. 3 million ancestors died in Bangladesh because the Crown instigated its officials to fill Hindus and muslims with contentions against each other - the policy of ‘divide and rule’. Am I just supposed to forget all that history and worship the deceased queen like she was the one last goddess who lived on Earth ? I wish I too could let go of this inherent anger but no one knows better than you how hard it is.
On another note, I love Mary Oliver and the tenderness and awareness of nature with which she wrote. Thank you for sharing this write up. I’m really moved to know that you too are helping people when you can.
We had a vigil in Great Falls last Friday to mourn with our unhoused community the deaths that have gone unrecognized since we started interacting officially with the homeless that congregate at the First United Methodist Church. Much grief and small steps towards healing.
Hi Chris,
Well, you and Maya and Mary have the right idea. Kindness reigns. It is the quality I cherish the most in the people I love.
I love the JLB quote. As far as I am concerned that gentleman possesses wisdom and talent beyond measure. And, as bad as things ever get, he always expresses hope for all of us. All of us who endeavor to make the world a better place.
As for the Queen, I’d like to think she did her best, given the circumstances she was born into. I had to laugh a bit when it was reported that she was very frugal and insisted on being careful with regard to the usage of electricity. The wardrobe, the castles, the horses, the gold encrusted carriages, etc. etc. Well, I suppose that all of that has kept lots of people employed.
Hang in there Chris and fight the good fight. It is very becoming.
Sincerely,
Melissa
I shared your tweet about the royal bones to my predominantly British Facebook family and friends. Playing devil's advocate to some extent, but I also thought it was pretty funny. They're fairly evenly split English and Welsh, and their responses were split accordingly - outrage from the Anglo-Saxons, thumbs up from the indigenous Britons.
Been a fascinating week for me personally, as a “Brit” (English/Irish/Welsh hybrid), a naturalized US citizen, and an unapologetic raving lefty. No love for the monarchy from me at all. But to deny the enormity and complexity of QEII's cultural significance in the UK would be foolish. There’s more than just the colonial mentality on display here (though that’s unquestionably part of it).
The best analogy I can come up with is the US flag. At the most fundamental level, they serve the same purpose. The UK Oath of Allegiance is made to the monarch, the US Pledge of Allegiance to the flag (and neither to the respective country, which has always puzzled me). Dig a little though, and we have two symbols of colonialism and oppression, which are also two idols we're expected to kneel before unquestioningly from infanthood. The results are the same. Here the flag is blindly worshipped by many, and any perceived slight against it is taken personally, and deeply (and in many cases furiously). I think we’re seeing the UK equivalent of that at the moment.
Thank you, Chris. Anger, not bitter. It's hard. It means not giving up, right?
We're driving through Navajo land heading home on back roads from family visits in Missouri and and Texas. Everyone masks. Everywhere requires masks. Outdoor Navajo taco cooks wear masks. Murals equate Covid with death. These lands and people got slammed.
I’d never before heard of Mary Oliver and now I’d love to read her poetry. Thank you for this gift. Anywhere in particular you’d recommend a newcomer begin?
One of my favourite quotes is from the Dali Lama “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” It’s an ongoing daily practice!
Nick Cave has been an inspiration--Into my Arms is so achingly beautiful.
https://youtu.be/LnHoqHscTKE