so many feelings but mostly gratitude for being able to share solidarity with all that you have written. i think of those kids you have been teaching and the abject horror when my six year old reported his first shooter drill. I cannot believe this is the world they are growing up in. the waves of trauma again and again. children now and children past. wtf is this country about?
I've been feeling much the same here in red-state Utah. Tonight I was waiting for one softball game to end before my grand-niece's team played and asked a guy sitting by the dugout if he knew the score before I notices his 'Let's Go Branden' hat. I could only shake my head. Earlier today I noticed a house up the street had put up flag bunting and their Trump 2020 flag. Again. But, your story did bring a smile to my heart. Years ago, working for Upward Bound at SKC, Ms. Roullier was a favored student. We were in touch briefly via FB years ago, but lost that. It is so good to know she is still in the classroom and making an impact in the lives of her students. That she has connected with you to teach poetry is just icing on the cake. I know it's the end of the school year now, but if you get the chance please pass on my best wishes for her and let her know how proud I am of her. Thanks for this. Let's do our best to hang in there. Peace.
Raised as a Preacher's Kid (he was quite enlightened) I always had to be doing something with my hands (not devil's playground, more of a feeling for inspiration). So I took up embroidery and embroidered a sampler. The first thing I embroidered was part of John Donne's poem "No man is an island entire of itself, any man's death diminishes me because I am involved in mankind. And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."
At this point I feel diminished completely. I ache for the parents, the community and for all of us. This senseless violence has to stop. I am not sure we can handle much more.
Thank you for your eloquence, it does ease the pain. I love Zillion's poem.
Thanks for the thoughtful words. Legislation for gun violence prevention is practical & doable. It’s not naive to see that this carnage can awaken political and spiritual action for reform.
"I often feel the despair that seems sewn into just existing in this world."
THIS. It feels impossible to go to work, the store, anywhere and make small talk, or watch people just going about their business either obliviously or purposefully without regard when these horrific things are happening around us. I want to scream at our collective callousness that feels designed to inure us to the horrors. I hate it. Missoula could easily be the cite of the next massacre; would we want other cities, other people to be as indifferent to our suffering as we appear to be to theirs?
When I heard the news yesterday, I simultaneously exploded and imploded. I tried to write to sort through what was bombarding my head and heart ... finally ate a couple stress gummies I hadn't tried yet ... got sick and retreated to my attic to sit and talk to Gus (one of my cats). By this morning I threw caution to the wind and replied to a central Washington TV post on FB, trying to sound reasonable; and by lunch I was receiving a steady stream of snark from the yahoos that have taken over what used to be a scientific, educated, and reasonable community. Well, I hadn't purged FB in a while, so did that and was happier. // Used to be an elementary teacher in a small community here in western Washington that, in the 7 years since I retired, has become hotbed of MAGA. The majority of the school board is now Maga/Neo-Nazi/Open Carry. // I don't like nor fit in this world. As a hermit, I have no audience to yell at. Now it's late on Wednesday. The gummies have dissolved out of my system. The news has passed by the grieving parents and is gearing up for the NRA do in Texas in a few days. // I'm numb. // Time to shut down my office, head upstairs to my reading chair in the attic where Gus, Demi, and Hemi will join me in reading avec snaccs (the girls LaVerne and Shirley are more into meditating) so now I need to choose one of the 3300 books on my Kindle and it will probably be Agatha Christie, a safe place. But I'm glad I checked my email one more time this evening to find your letter, Chris. I'll re-read in the morning and think about what I have to do after this. I can't sit by.
Wow Chris. Words of love, compassion, and deep understanding from a precious 10 year old. Go Zillion.
I have no words for what is happening all around us. I have to keep reminding myself that there are so many kind and generous and compassionate souls in our midst. As Mr. Burke would say, “The light bearers”. It is continually perplexing to me that people support individuals and causes that effect the losses of the treasures that are most valuable in our lives. I pray that our society achieves enlightenment, and collectively strives to understand the reality of lies that have been imposed upon it.
It makes me happy to know that you and Mr. Burke shared time together yesterday. It just does. I am envious of you both.
Thank you as ever for your beautiful words and your insight.
This hit close to home. I have no idea how people who regularly deal with depression are navigating these times. Even I, who have floated through life as if it were the eastern plains of Kansas, have been groping lately. I've felt the cloak of darkness trying to descend. I think I watch/read/follow too much news. And as bad as things are at this moment, I see the momentum gaining. Sisyphus has lost the battle, the rock is crashing over all of us. The political situation in Idaho is utterly ludicrous. And all the shouting into the wind and hand-wringing does nothing to derail the momentum. I've actually thought this week that perhaps we should join the gunaticks and arm ourselves. May as well wage all out war since reason is lost and education is being run by the unreasonable.
You echo my long-standing frustration: "So why can’t they seem to get it in their heads the relationships between all of their small actions and how they lead to one gigantic cloud of misery that reverberates all over the world". Lack of connection to one another, our place, our world...leads to a great deal of suffering. Thank you for closing in love today. I am thinking about how to rest and revel in my pink-ness.
Really feeling a need to read others process this too right now, and Chris, I am so grateful for you.
so many feelings but mostly gratitude for being able to share solidarity with all that you have written. i think of those kids you have been teaching and the abject horror when my six year old reported his first shooter drill. I cannot believe this is the world they are growing up in. the waves of trauma again and again. children now and children past. wtf is this country about?
I've been feeling much the same here in red-state Utah. Tonight I was waiting for one softball game to end before my grand-niece's team played and asked a guy sitting by the dugout if he knew the score before I notices his 'Let's Go Branden' hat. I could only shake my head. Earlier today I noticed a house up the street had put up flag bunting and their Trump 2020 flag. Again. But, your story did bring a smile to my heart. Years ago, working for Upward Bound at SKC, Ms. Roullier was a favored student. We were in touch briefly via FB years ago, but lost that. It is so good to know she is still in the classroom and making an impact in the lives of her students. That she has connected with you to teach poetry is just icing on the cake. I know it's the end of the school year now, but if you get the chance please pass on my best wishes for her and let her know how proud I am of her. Thanks for this. Let's do our best to hang in there. Peace.
"Little Blade" is beautiful. This from Lucille Clifton came in email this morning.
Lucille Clifton
bouquet
i have gathered my losses
into a spray of pain;
my parents, my brother,
my husband, my innocence
all clustered together
durable as daisies.
now i add you,
little love, little
flower,
who walked unannounced
into my life
and almost blossomed there.
Raised as a Preacher's Kid (he was quite enlightened) I always had to be doing something with my hands (not devil's playground, more of a feeling for inspiration). So I took up embroidery and embroidered a sampler. The first thing I embroidered was part of John Donne's poem "No man is an island entire of itself, any man's death diminishes me because I am involved in mankind. And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."
At this point I feel diminished completely. I ache for the parents, the community and for all of us. This senseless violence has to stop. I am not sure we can handle much more.
Thank you for your eloquence, it does ease the pain. I love Zillion's poem.
Thanks for the thoughtful words. Legislation for gun violence prevention is practical & doable. It’s not naive to see that this carnage can awaken political and spiritual action for reform.
Zillion’s poem, wow. Thank you for sharing that, and for mapping out a way to think/feel through these times.
"I often feel the despair that seems sewn into just existing in this world."
THIS. It feels impossible to go to work, the store, anywhere and make small talk, or watch people just going about their business either obliviously or purposefully without regard when these horrific things are happening around us. I want to scream at our collective callousness that feels designed to inure us to the horrors. I hate it. Missoula could easily be the cite of the next massacre; would we want other cities, other people to be as indifferent to our suffering as we appear to be to theirs?
When I heard the news yesterday, I simultaneously exploded and imploded. I tried to write to sort through what was bombarding my head and heart ... finally ate a couple stress gummies I hadn't tried yet ... got sick and retreated to my attic to sit and talk to Gus (one of my cats). By this morning I threw caution to the wind and replied to a central Washington TV post on FB, trying to sound reasonable; and by lunch I was receiving a steady stream of snark from the yahoos that have taken over what used to be a scientific, educated, and reasonable community. Well, I hadn't purged FB in a while, so did that and was happier. // Used to be an elementary teacher in a small community here in western Washington that, in the 7 years since I retired, has become hotbed of MAGA. The majority of the school board is now Maga/Neo-Nazi/Open Carry. // I don't like nor fit in this world. As a hermit, I have no audience to yell at. Now it's late on Wednesday. The gummies have dissolved out of my system. The news has passed by the grieving parents and is gearing up for the NRA do in Texas in a few days. // I'm numb. // Time to shut down my office, head upstairs to my reading chair in the attic where Gus, Demi, and Hemi will join me in reading avec snaccs (the girls LaVerne and Shirley are more into meditating) so now I need to choose one of the 3300 books on my Kindle and it will probably be Agatha Christie, a safe place. But I'm glad I checked my email one more time this evening to find your letter, Chris. I'll re-read in the morning and think about what I have to do after this. I can't sit by.
Wow Chris. Words of love, compassion, and deep understanding from a precious 10 year old. Go Zillion.
I have no words for what is happening all around us. I have to keep reminding myself that there are so many kind and generous and compassionate souls in our midst. As Mr. Burke would say, “The light bearers”. It is continually perplexing to me that people support individuals and causes that effect the losses of the treasures that are most valuable in our lives. I pray that our society achieves enlightenment, and collectively strives to understand the reality of lies that have been imposed upon it.
It makes me happy to know that you and Mr. Burke shared time together yesterday. It just does. I am envious of you both.
Thank you as ever for your beautiful words and your insight.
Sincerely, Melissa
This hit close to home. I have no idea how people who regularly deal with depression are navigating these times. Even I, who have floated through life as if it were the eastern plains of Kansas, have been groping lately. I've felt the cloak of darkness trying to descend. I think I watch/read/follow too much news. And as bad as things are at this moment, I see the momentum gaining. Sisyphus has lost the battle, the rock is crashing over all of us. The political situation in Idaho is utterly ludicrous. And all the shouting into the wind and hand-wringing does nothing to derail the momentum. I've actually thought this week that perhaps we should join the gunaticks and arm ourselves. May as well wage all out war since reason is lost and education is being run by the unreasonable.
You echo my long-standing frustration: "So why can’t they seem to get it in their heads the relationships between all of their small actions and how they lead to one gigantic cloud of misery that reverberates all over the world". Lack of connection to one another, our place, our world...leads to a great deal of suffering. Thank you for closing in love today. I am thinking about how to rest and revel in my pink-ness.
Nothing to add except gratitude for your voice, James Lee Burke's voice, Zillion's voice, and the voices of community at this blog.
The poem is magnificent. Thanks.
<the morning after another school massacre>
i sat in a K-2 classroom "coffeehouse"
listening to poems students wrote
during the spring poetry unit
i was a guest poet 2 weeks ago
sharing poems and inspirations
as i've done for more than a decade
today their parents filled the room
eager proud as excited as their children
each poet walked to the mic
took a breath
read 2 original poems
each voice innocent strong
each poem exquisitely perfect
we adults snapped fingers applauded
for a while the world was
exactly as it should be
until i remembered
hundreds of shooters across the nation
were already making their purchases and plans
The ability to shake off the despair is just not there. Thank you for sharing some of your thoughts with us...you are not alone.