Every single phrase that meanders through my head in response to this is utterly inadequate. I wish I were an artist and could draw how rich (like deep, fertile soil) this makes me feel and send it to you.
So much here in this one, and so worth taking the extra few minutes of staring at the screen which I'd promised myself I wouldn't do today because of the angry, snarky devolvement I've been wallowing around in online spaces. :)
As usual I'm adding to my reading list, I'm very interested in God is Red now.
Over the past couple of years I've put some work into finding 'my own mythological traditions from the places of my ancestry' but then the question becomes what does one do with the understandings of those traditions? As the elder in your anecdote says "Many of the ancient traditions are basically the same", and so it seems that separatism is counter-productive (not that I'm assuming that's what she was implying). Those of us of anglo or European descent are here, living in this beautiful part of the world, and any mythological tradition we attempt to practice will be indelibly marked by our growing up and living on this land.
I think about how Robin Wall Kimmerer uses native, invasive, and naturalized plants as a metaphor - that while a lot of introduced plants get established in an area and overcome the native vegetation, certain species instead learn to create reciprocal relationships with the indigenous plants, becoming beneficial to the ecosystem.
Ok, I won't take up anymore bandwidth here in your comment section, but thank you for expressing your rage so honestly and, at least from my vantage point, turning it into productive conversation and inspiration.
Thank you for writing this two-parter. I've been thinking about things like this a lot lately (as a White person who doesn't know the specifics of their ancestry but really loves this planet; as an anxious, sometimes angry person who is still figuring out when and where those emotions are helpful or not). What does it mean to meditate if those lessons never translate beyond the altar? Is it enough, as don Miguel Ruiz says in The Four Agreements, to do your best at whatever you're doing, even if that isn't very good on a lot of days? What is the impact of making promises that you may never keep (see Wendell Berry's poem, which feels like a personal call-out some days)? Human'ing is hard and messy.
Someone further down thread mentions the fury of monks -- which reminded me of Fenton Johnson's book "Keeping Faith." He grew up in Kentucky just outside the walls of Thomas Merton's monastery, and comes back for a Catholic/Zen conference after years of studying at the SF Zen Center & Tassajara. Furious after the death of his partner from AIDS. It's a gorgeous exploration of fury and sorrow and monastic practice.
I've had this quote from the book on my writing wall for years now: "Before all else, we must define ourselves in some place other than our wounds -- to find the courage to define ourselves, rather than let our wounds define us. This is the great challenge, and forgiveness the means through which it is accomplished. Faith incarnates itself not in beliefs, but in acts; not in what I believe about God but in the moment-to-moment decisions I make in choosing how to live this day, how to be one with myself and to love and respect and forgive myself and my neighbor. In this it is a necessary condition for wisdom."
I know a lot of Zen teachers who seem to be angry all the time. Just my observation. But whatever works.
The end of the piece is more my thing. I've realized that some people base their decisions on what will aggravate us. In high school I knew young Republicans who joked about being concentration camp guards to get a rise out of people, and now they're all grown up and behaving the same way.
They want attention. I take their hatred seriously but I don't get angry at pathetic people anymore.
I will admit to thinking that if you're angry all the time, you may drop dead of a heart attack or stroke before you're quite ready to go. Just saying.
Also mad here, but trying to make peace in my life. With myself, and with others. Although I have many, many issues with Mother Theresa and the Church, I still live by her words, as best I can: "Do small things with great love."
Thanks to Hawk and Molly for asking those questions because I've been really wrestling with the same ones - and to you for taking the time and care to share your thoughts and wisdom with the rest of us. I'm printing this one off to sneak in my journal and chew on more slowly.
I've had God Is Red on my reading stack for months (years?). Looks like I need to pick it up.
I've been thinking about my rage lately too. I don't want to live like this, but I also don't want to not live like this either. I had this moment with a pissed off blue bird a few weeks ago. I was just trying to check on her babies, and she kept attacking me. In my head, I asked her why she was so pissed off, and I swear she responded and even in my own head it sounded like yelling, "WHY AREN'T YOU?" So I've been trying to channel her lately, but I like your plan of using that energy in the right direction(s).
Thanks for this, Chris. Such good juice, as we say at our house.
Thank you Chris. I'd like to say "we should go fishing," even if we never "go fishing," because I am getting so weary from typing my relationships and yet, and yet . . . I'm having a low spell myself and I think it may be for some of the same reasons. Solidarity, my friend. Thank you for composing and sharing these thoughts today. <3
Chris, reading this, I feel your gracious and generous presence. Your writing calms and informs with a real sense of welcome. I love your clarity. Thank you for so enriching my life.
in my poetry workshops at the prison i always reminded the guys who came that it didn't seem to matter what "culture" we grew up in, men were men, which meant we were pretty much trained in and allowed 2 emotions: anger and none. i began writing at 17 because my emotions just would not go away, but i had no idea whatsoever how to recognize, identify, differentiate and deal with any of them--which made me angry! meanwhile, i'm 71 now and have learned there are different kinds of anger, and some are holy--even prophetic in the classic hebrew sense. the dalai lama also recommends starting w/your own religious/spiritual traditions, which doesn't mean you have to stop there. i've returned to merton and other christian contemplatives, but i also study with pema chodron and cold mountain (aka han shan). i confess, however, i've lost the capacity in recent months to go out among my "fellow" humans without intense, unbearable anxiety and rage. It's partly due to illness, but also to the "stupidity" which is more rampant than any virus. as usual, you've given me a lot to think about and reflect on. thanks!!
Every single phrase that meanders through my head in response to this is utterly inadequate. I wish I were an artist and could draw how rich (like deep, fertile soil) this makes me feel and send it to you.
So much here in this one, and so worth taking the extra few minutes of staring at the screen which I'd promised myself I wouldn't do today because of the angry, snarky devolvement I've been wallowing around in online spaces. :)
As usual I'm adding to my reading list, I'm very interested in God is Red now.
Over the past couple of years I've put some work into finding 'my own mythological traditions from the places of my ancestry' but then the question becomes what does one do with the understandings of those traditions? As the elder in your anecdote says "Many of the ancient traditions are basically the same", and so it seems that separatism is counter-productive (not that I'm assuming that's what she was implying). Those of us of anglo or European descent are here, living in this beautiful part of the world, and any mythological tradition we attempt to practice will be indelibly marked by our growing up and living on this land.
I think about how Robin Wall Kimmerer uses native, invasive, and naturalized plants as a metaphor - that while a lot of introduced plants get established in an area and overcome the native vegetation, certain species instead learn to create reciprocal relationships with the indigenous plants, becoming beneficial to the ecosystem.
Ok, I won't take up anymore bandwidth here in your comment section, but thank you for expressing your rage so honestly and, at least from my vantage point, turning it into productive conversation and inspiration.
Thank you for writing this two-parter. I've been thinking about things like this a lot lately (as a White person who doesn't know the specifics of their ancestry but really loves this planet; as an anxious, sometimes angry person who is still figuring out when and where those emotions are helpful or not). What does it mean to meditate if those lessons never translate beyond the altar? Is it enough, as don Miguel Ruiz says in The Four Agreements, to do your best at whatever you're doing, even if that isn't very good on a lot of days? What is the impact of making promises that you may never keep (see Wendell Berry's poem, which feels like a personal call-out some days)? Human'ing is hard and messy.
Damn. As someone who cut ties and is searching for new roots, this fucks me right up.
Fierce grace. My heart felt it.
It is only a little planet, but how beautiful it is.
-- Robinson Jeffers
Someone further down thread mentions the fury of monks -- which reminded me of Fenton Johnson's book "Keeping Faith." He grew up in Kentucky just outside the walls of Thomas Merton's monastery, and comes back for a Catholic/Zen conference after years of studying at the SF Zen Center & Tassajara. Furious after the death of his partner from AIDS. It's a gorgeous exploration of fury and sorrow and monastic practice.
I've had this quote from the book on my writing wall for years now: "Before all else, we must define ourselves in some place other than our wounds -- to find the courage to define ourselves, rather than let our wounds define us. This is the great challenge, and forgiveness the means through which it is accomplished. Faith incarnates itself not in beliefs, but in acts; not in what I believe about God but in the moment-to-moment decisions I make in choosing how to live this day, how to be one with myself and to love and respect and forgive myself and my neighbor. In this it is a necessary condition for wisdom."
(And I just ordered the Vine Deloria ... )
I know a lot of Zen teachers who seem to be angry all the time. Just my observation. But whatever works.
The end of the piece is more my thing. I've realized that some people base their decisions on what will aggravate us. In high school I knew young Republicans who joked about being concentration camp guards to get a rise out of people, and now they're all grown up and behaving the same way.
They want attention. I take their hatred seriously but I don't get angry at pathetic people anymore.
Yes. Let rage be precious. More sacred than self- righteous. That's my goal, anyway.
Love you, Chris. I am angry all the time too. About the right thing but I worry about being extreme. Thank you for making me think.
I will admit to thinking that if you're angry all the time, you may drop dead of a heart attack or stroke before you're quite ready to go. Just saying.
Also mad here, but trying to make peace in my life. With myself, and with others. Although I have many, many issues with Mother Theresa and the Church, I still live by her words, as best I can: "Do small things with great love."
Thanks to Hawk and Molly for asking those questions because I've been really wrestling with the same ones - and to you for taking the time and care to share your thoughts and wisdom with the rest of us. I'm printing this one off to sneak in my journal and chew on more slowly.
I've had God Is Red on my reading stack for months (years?). Looks like I need to pick it up.
I've been thinking about my rage lately too. I don't want to live like this, but I also don't want to not live like this either. I had this moment with a pissed off blue bird a few weeks ago. I was just trying to check on her babies, and she kept attacking me. In my head, I asked her why she was so pissed off, and I swear she responded and even in my own head it sounded like yelling, "WHY AREN'T YOU?" So I've been trying to channel her lately, but I like your plan of using that energy in the right direction(s).
Thanks for this, Chris. Such good juice, as we say at our house.
Love to you, Chris. Thank you for writing.
Thank you Chris. I'd like to say "we should go fishing," even if we never "go fishing," because I am getting so weary from typing my relationships and yet, and yet . . . I'm having a low spell myself and I think it may be for some of the same reasons. Solidarity, my friend. Thank you for composing and sharing these thoughts today. <3
Chris, reading this, I feel your gracious and generous presence. Your writing calms and informs with a real sense of welcome. I love your clarity. Thank you for so enriching my life.
well said.
in my poetry workshops at the prison i always reminded the guys who came that it didn't seem to matter what "culture" we grew up in, men were men, which meant we were pretty much trained in and allowed 2 emotions: anger and none. i began writing at 17 because my emotions just would not go away, but i had no idea whatsoever how to recognize, identify, differentiate and deal with any of them--which made me angry! meanwhile, i'm 71 now and have learned there are different kinds of anger, and some are holy--even prophetic in the classic hebrew sense. the dalai lama also recommends starting w/your own religious/spiritual traditions, which doesn't mean you have to stop there. i've returned to merton and other christian contemplatives, but i also study with pema chodron and cold mountain (aka han shan). i confess, however, i've lost the capacity in recent months to go out among my "fellow" humans without intense, unbearable anxiety and rage. It's partly due to illness, but also to the "stupidity" which is more rampant than any virus. as usual, you've given me a lot to think about and reflect on. thanks!!