Thanks for this, and all of the writing you do. The pandemic has really driven home to me in a deeper and more painful way how often people don't care for others the way they should. The whole nature of the thing - the fact that wearing masks is as much for others' protection as our own, that you can spread it asymptomatically, who lost what in terms of job/school/home/etc. - it's so uneven and I've watched so many people be so selfish. A friend of mine said of these people that they had "decided their privilege is essential." The ones that have bothered me the most in this are those people who are close to me, who didn't have all that much taken away (can still work, not sick, not alone, ok financially) but who aren't willing to give up stopping by the store multiple times a week just to get a certain brand of tortilla chips. I don't know how I'm going to forget that behavior in the aftertimes, whenever and whatever those are. My partner is currently in isolation with COVID that he contracted between vaccine shots one and two, from I have literally no idea where. And everyone assumes it's something he did, when we haven't changed anything, done anything. Looking back over the last two weeks, there were three outdoor, distanced get togethers with friends (the largest of these was three people) who have all tested negative, and one time that we dropped off of food for a friend's theatre company. So as near as I can tell he got it from going into a laundromat with two masks on his face. It bothers me to think that people will either read this as us not having been careful, or that being careful doesn't work. The reality is other people weren't careful and he's suffering the consequences. I'm grateful he had had one shot because he's asymptomatic right now and that's probably why, and I'm grateful that he's just locked away bored for a while instead of dead. And also this sucks. I guess maybe that's why all this came out here after reading your excellent post, which, thank you again for writing it.
One step, one punch, one round. I've been a worrier all my life, I'm trying to change my focus to the present. That helps. My heart hurts too, Chris. I'll keep fighting, someday we'll get a rest between bouts.
Your description of beleaguered Missoula matches to the letter the state of beleaguered Boise. Here we are blessed with the privileged set of pasty-white, entitled, uber-religious-in-affiliation-only legislators who bring their uncovered orifices into the city, into the statehouse, denying science, proclaiming their personal rights, only to close the entire statehouse down for 18 days because of the illness they spread with their bloviating menace. While things on a federal level may look 1% more hopeful these days, things at this state level are looking lower than a snake's belly. I believe a lot of people are feeling the effects of beleaguerment.
Ah those 'little tricks' that no longer quite work - same here - perhaps this new reality can't be fooled in quite the same ways? Instead then, yes, a 'slow, steady progress': how dumb and honest and unavoidable this all feels, this stubborn form of hope despite 'everything'. Perhaps a form of community, too, in this quiet sort of carrying on? Thanks for inviting us in. It helps to know there are others.
Excellent read! When climbing Mt Kilimanjaro the Swahili porters have a litany, “Pole Pole”. By the fourth day, it gets a bit much. Yeah yeah. However on the final climb from 16k-19k, there’s little oxygen. If you go too fast, can’t breath. If you stop, not enough air to give you breath. So you go “Pole Pole” one step at at time, six hours for three miles. Slowly, slowly. Pole pole. You finally get the “ah, now I get it.”
Beleaguered. Finally, a word that describes exactly how I've been feeling for the past 4+ years. Your essays and the comments here confirm that I am not alone. That's solace for me.
Oh fuck yes to this. Beleaguered. Especially as they descend on us again here in the Paradise valley. The 6 plates passing 4 cars at a time on 89 South. The crowded trails and fishing access sites. The wealthy friends from my past whose feelings are hurt because I'm not thrilled they bought a house in one of the last cheap neighborhoods in Bozeman, tore it down, and built a modern box. And are now moving here full time. And what's now become too often an annual suicide season here in Livingston -- vernal equinox is a dangerous time for a lot of people, especially as we come out of the pandemic. Murder suicide in this case.
I feel this in so many ways. I'm also feeling so stuck in a rut that I can't seem to find my way out of. It feels hopeless. But I like knowing I am not alone. Slow and steady progress is right. We are surviving. This is not easy. And what is happening in Missoula is absolutely maddening. I've been dealing with it directly for months as I've struggled in the rental market here. I make good money for Montana, and yet I can't afford A LOT of what is on the market. It's so sad that this is happening. Missoula isn't the same place I left 5 years ago. I'm curious what this summer will hold. Beautiful writing, as always, my friend.
Beleaguered, yes. And I hate that you and Rocky are right about the way out of it: slow and steady. I’m still resistant to baby steps even though that’s the only way I’ve ever gotten anything meaningful accomplished. Thanks for the push in the right direction.
Thank you for the wonderfully written article, Chris. I am a native Missoulian and feel you described my thoughts exactly. I had no idea that you were on substack. My hope is that after Missoulians gather in our ussual fun places for a while such as out-to-lunch, farmers market, that we rediscover our old tolerance. But I will be wary.... and worried.
Thanks for this, and all of the writing you do. The pandemic has really driven home to me in a deeper and more painful way how often people don't care for others the way they should. The whole nature of the thing - the fact that wearing masks is as much for others' protection as our own, that you can spread it asymptomatically, who lost what in terms of job/school/home/etc. - it's so uneven and I've watched so many people be so selfish. A friend of mine said of these people that they had "decided their privilege is essential." The ones that have bothered me the most in this are those people who are close to me, who didn't have all that much taken away (can still work, not sick, not alone, ok financially) but who aren't willing to give up stopping by the store multiple times a week just to get a certain brand of tortilla chips. I don't know how I'm going to forget that behavior in the aftertimes, whenever and whatever those are. My partner is currently in isolation with COVID that he contracted between vaccine shots one and two, from I have literally no idea where. And everyone assumes it's something he did, when we haven't changed anything, done anything. Looking back over the last two weeks, there were three outdoor, distanced get togethers with friends (the largest of these was three people) who have all tested negative, and one time that we dropped off of food for a friend's theatre company. So as near as I can tell he got it from going into a laundromat with two masks on his face. It bothers me to think that people will either read this as us not having been careful, or that being careful doesn't work. The reality is other people weren't careful and he's suffering the consequences. I'm grateful he had had one shot because he's asymptomatic right now and that's probably why, and I'm grateful that he's just locked away bored for a while instead of dead. And also this sucks. I guess maybe that's why all this came out here after reading your excellent post, which, thank you again for writing it.
One step, one punch, one round. I've been a worrier all my life, I'm trying to change my focus to the present. That helps. My heart hurts too, Chris. I'll keep fighting, someday we'll get a rest between bouts.
Sometimes you're grinning through a mouthful of blood, and that's just the way of things.
Liked how you turned it around to be inclusive that we are all hurting in some way and gave us that one step to move out from that space
Your description of beleaguered Missoula matches to the letter the state of beleaguered Boise. Here we are blessed with the privileged set of pasty-white, entitled, uber-religious-in-affiliation-only legislators who bring their uncovered orifices into the city, into the statehouse, denying science, proclaiming their personal rights, only to close the entire statehouse down for 18 days because of the illness they spread with their bloviating menace. While things on a federal level may look 1% more hopeful these days, things at this state level are looking lower than a snake's belly. I believe a lot of people are feeling the effects of beleaguerment.
Ah those 'little tricks' that no longer quite work - same here - perhaps this new reality can't be fooled in quite the same ways? Instead then, yes, a 'slow, steady progress': how dumb and honest and unavoidable this all feels, this stubborn form of hope despite 'everything'. Perhaps a form of community, too, in this quiet sort of carrying on? Thanks for inviting us in. It helps to know there are others.
Excellent read! When climbing Mt Kilimanjaro the Swahili porters have a litany, “Pole Pole”. By the fourth day, it gets a bit much. Yeah yeah. However on the final climb from 16k-19k, there’s little oxygen. If you go too fast, can’t breath. If you stop, not enough air to give you breath. So you go “Pole Pole” one step at at time, six hours for three miles. Slowly, slowly. Pole pole. You finally get the “ah, now I get it.”
I’m right there with you, Chris. Beleaguered and I struggle for other words. Thank you for that so I don’t feel alone here in Missoula the same way
Beleaguered. Finally, a word that describes exactly how I've been feeling for the past 4+ years. Your essays and the comments here confirm that I am not alone. That's solace for me.
Oh fuck yes to this. Beleaguered. Especially as they descend on us again here in the Paradise valley. The 6 plates passing 4 cars at a time on 89 South. The crowded trails and fishing access sites. The wealthy friends from my past whose feelings are hurt because I'm not thrilled they bought a house in one of the last cheap neighborhoods in Bozeman, tore it down, and built a modern box. And are now moving here full time. And what's now become too often an annual suicide season here in Livingston -- vernal equinox is a dangerous time for a lot of people, especially as we come out of the pandemic. Murder suicide in this case.
I feel like I need to watch Creed. But I’m being very cautious with myself lately. The world can be harsh. A new library sounds wonderful.
What a great turnaround at the end. Weirdly makes me feel better, even up here in the beleaguered Flathead.
I feel this in so many ways. I'm also feeling so stuck in a rut that I can't seem to find my way out of. It feels hopeless. But I like knowing I am not alone. Slow and steady progress is right. We are surviving. This is not easy. And what is happening in Missoula is absolutely maddening. I've been dealing with it directly for months as I've struggled in the rental market here. I make good money for Montana, and yet I can't afford A LOT of what is on the market. It's so sad that this is happening. Missoula isn't the same place I left 5 years ago. I'm curious what this summer will hold. Beautiful writing, as always, my friend.
Beleaguered, yes. And I hate that you and Rocky are right about the way out of it: slow and steady. I’m still resistant to baby steps even though that’s the only way I’ve ever gotten anything meaningful accomplished. Thanks for the push in the right direction.
<3
Thank you for the wonderfully written article, Chris. I am a native Missoulian and feel you described my thoughts exactly. I had no idea that you were on substack. My hope is that after Missoulians gather in our ussual fun places for a while such as out-to-lunch, farmers market, that we rediscover our old tolerance. But I will be wary.... and worried.