"Is the canceling of every social media account, or every long overdue email response (not to mention the unreturned ones), or denied request for coffee or beer or whatever a metaphorical severing of one of my own digits until none remain?"
I'm not going to be watching this movie (I just can't anymore; there's too much sorrow every day as it is), but it feels like ... no? Though it's hard to say without seeing the full context. Deleting all my social media definitely affected my work, how it reaches people (or doesn't), how I can talk about it, who gives it attention. I knew that going in, though I didn't know how *much* it would affect all of that (a lot more than I realized). Even if I had, though, I don't regret it a bit. Not having that reach doesn't affect my ability to write, while interacting with social media in any way affected, for the worse, *everything* about my life including writing. I have to rely more on friends and connections spreading my work, and on my own voice, which maybe isn't a bad thing even if it doesn't go as far. No matter what, though, it's worth it to feel like I'm alive rather than half-dead, curating a self for an algorithm. In either case, I'll be dead and forgotten someday. I'd rather live life while it has me.
Everyone's relationship to these things is different, as you point out.
Plenty of other choices affect these things, too, though. Even choosing to live away from any real writer community makes a big difference in opportunity. But there are so many things that I do with my time that I wouldn't if I had more of those opportunities. I don't know that it's the worst thing in the world to be forced to ask what makes us feel alive, even if we don't have an opportunity to do it as fully as Haines did.
Teachers appreciate the guests who visit our classrooms, the new perspective our students get to have as a result, and the wisdom of poets. Thank you for doing that work of love.
Mar 23, 2023·edited Mar 23, 2023Liked by Chris La Tray
I understand - I am finding it hard to read the Sweetness of Water, which is beautifully written, after work given how sad it is... this is not normal for me. I typically find the honesty of others, including their honesty about grief, to be validating and reassuring. I think we are in a time of great grief and loss and so our capacity to handle deep sadness, our bandwidth, is stretched thin.
I think given that St Pattys Day just occurred, it was awesome to watch this film. Thank you for honoring Irish culture despite our sadness! I really enjoyed this song during this important holiday: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sKTSpOZMZQI
I think it's hard to measure our impact on people, particularly children, but I know that your impact on them has been greater than you can observe - thank you for what you do. And, thank you for these postings which help me because I find them validating and reassuring as well.
I’ve been teaching 5th grade for 12 years now. I love it, but this year has been HARD. I am losing one colleague for whom this was his 2nd year. The way things are in schools and the fact that everyone thought because he was Navajo he could relate to ALL minority students along with micro aggressions have chased him out. My daughter teaches 6-8 special education I. Washington, and she has observed that this has been the worst year following the pandemic. The same student has thrown her into a wall 2 times and they are talking about letting him back in her class. Social skills are often weak or non-existent. I spend a large portion of every day maintaining orderly transitions and quiet in class. I am exhausted. But it is the work I chose and I don’t see anything I’d rather do. We have all had enough, I think. My daughter and I hope that things will improve in a few years as distance grows between the present and Covid. Fingers crossed.
The way that we've allowed school to become for children breaks my heart--and yet its heartening to know there are so many people--like you--who are teaching them and spending time with kids to make that experience positive. It's funny--I was reluctant to watch that film and then found I really enjoyed it, despite the sorrow--I don't usually have any capacity for sad movie fests any longer, especially the older I get. But something about both sides being bonkers, trying to figure out what is important, what isn't...and then finding that their striving is not about them and affects others. I'm not saying it eloquently but there was something that I found almost reassuring--that sometimes all the things we do to work ourselves up creates our own problems for ourselves as well as others. The idea of creating something immortal, the protestant ethic of productivity, etc. Maybe we need to just let ourselves be.
But I didn't want to turn the comments into a movie review! And I have so much respect for how it affected you--I see that too and I think if it was another day I would have had a hard time watching it. Saving Time is really good--I'm halfway through and it's saying things I know and feel but the context and throughlines in history she parses out is right on. Also--Haines. 💜 The land and the disregard we have for our relationship with it is so missing from most of our lives. Have you read David Abram's Spell of the Sensuous? I just read it and it gives so much to think about, kind of similarly parsing out the throughlines of why we've abandoned our bodies and the land and all of the earth and the consequences of that--not in a defeatest way, but in a liberating way.
"It doesn’t matter if I have a personal pizza in front of me or a large one, I’m eating the whole thing. So I avoid cookies and pizza unless I’m prepared for the consequences. Same with social media and streaming services and anywhere-all-the-time-whenever-someone-feels-like-it communication: some of it just has to go because it’s not good for me, and some of it needs to be essentially unreachable until I am prepared to give it my full attention."
You've told my story here. It's better for me to stay away from that which draws me against my will.
Did my subscription lapse? I thought it would renew automatically. I can't double-subscribe and will wait to hear from you before I click on Subscribe again.
Yours is the only Substack blog that I can afford to subscribe to and I plan to continue subscribing.
Just jumping in here to say thank you for this reminder that the struggle to live less of a derivative life is a worthy one even if it's not popular, rewarded, or simple. This constant tension between our attention and participation in society feels so central to our terrestrial life as humans (esp. nowadays) and it takes a toll. I don't think we acknowledge that enough. Thanks for this one, Chris. 🙏
I didn't know Banshees was a black comedy when I started watching it and I really wish I had because I wouldn't have started. The thing about black comedy is that it's all quite funny for the first half and then BANG. WHAM. TRAUMA! GORE! EXCESSIVE VIOLENCE!
My nervous system can't take it. I abandoned the film as soon as it was clear more appendages were going to be cut off. Alas, it's still living in my brain in the worst, most intrusive way. I am with you. I don't think something needs to be THAT in your face, unless you suspect the audience to be totally numbed out. As a queer person in the world, I don't need any cinematic reminders of the worst things human beings are capable of. :P
"'We live off the surface of things and places, the culture as well as the land; ours is a derivative life: we take what we find without thought, without regard for origin or consequences, unaware for the most part that the resources, both natural and cultural, are fast diminishing.'"
Yeah we do. The most powerful forces (people? industries? ideologies? it's all tangled up) among us seem to be reacting to the obvious disaster we have created by extracting more, producing more, consuming more. What I see, among a thousand other things, is a frenetic wish to fend off mortality that, ironically, is only hastening massive die-offs. We are already presiding over one of the largest extinction events in the planet's history; the logic of ramping up the destruction escapes me.
Which is why I read you. :)
The first time I met wild buffalo was in Yellowstone. We drove a Dodge Caravan (for hauling band gear to gigs but it was also good for road trips); we stopped at the side of the road as a small group were crossing it, and of course they were in no hurry. One huge animal just stood by the side of the car; we quietly rolled the windows down just enough to see and hear and smell. It was taller than our minivan and nothing at all was stopping it from, I don't know, deciding to lean? Or rub off some of its molting summer coat?
But it didn't do anything but stand for several minutes, before slowly taking off. I cannot say what it was like to sit right next to it except: solidity, quiet, patience, the vastness of time. Not entirely unlike waiting under a cedar or sequoia--if the tree were to somehow breathe out loud.
The time listed for the Zoom invite says 7 MST. Do you all not do daylight time? Or was the invite made before the time change? Not that I am booked up on Sunday; I have plenty of time to log in early to see if it's started yet.
Also trying so damn hard to get beneath the “surface of things” - especially helping my kids to feel their place, to feel a deep connection to our corner of the world. I’m really enjoying your newsletter.
I'm trying to grow roots in my little corner of the world, literally and figuratively. ❤️ Looking forward to spring to see the native plants I planted the last two years in our suburban yard come back stronger than ever and to plant more. I had one meadow blazing star plant last year and there was a time when it had three monarch butterflies at once on it, so getting more of those this year.
Aww thank you, friend! I definitely have Haines on my list now.
I was talking to a high school teacher in San Francisco yesterday, and he said all his kids were about two years behind; the classroom really needed to be set up as though it were for middle schoolers. My heart truly breaks for all students and educators right now.
Thank you - lovely post. I'm so surprised extra people unsubscribed after your post about where your money comes from - I'd have expected the opposite. Folk, eh?
"Is the canceling of every social media account, or every long overdue email response (not to mention the unreturned ones), or denied request for coffee or beer or whatever a metaphorical severing of one of my own digits until none remain?"
I'm not going to be watching this movie (I just can't anymore; there's too much sorrow every day as it is), but it feels like ... no? Though it's hard to say without seeing the full context. Deleting all my social media definitely affected my work, how it reaches people (or doesn't), how I can talk about it, who gives it attention. I knew that going in, though I didn't know how *much* it would affect all of that (a lot more than I realized). Even if I had, though, I don't regret it a bit. Not having that reach doesn't affect my ability to write, while interacting with social media in any way affected, for the worse, *everything* about my life including writing. I have to rely more on friends and connections spreading my work, and on my own voice, which maybe isn't a bad thing even if it doesn't go as far. No matter what, though, it's worth it to feel like I'm alive rather than half-dead, curating a self for an algorithm. In either case, I'll be dead and forgotten someday. I'd rather live life while it has me.
Everyone's relationship to these things is different, as you point out.
Plenty of other choices affect these things, too, though. Even choosing to live away from any real writer community makes a big difference in opportunity. But there are so many things that I do with my time that I wouldn't if I had more of those opportunities. I don't know that it's the worst thing in the world to be forced to ask what makes us feel alive, even if we don't have an opportunity to do it as fully as Haines did.
Teachers appreciate the guests who visit our classrooms, the new perspective our students get to have as a result, and the wisdom of poets. Thank you for doing that work of love.
I understand - I am finding it hard to read the Sweetness of Water, which is beautifully written, after work given how sad it is... this is not normal for me. I typically find the honesty of others, including their honesty about grief, to be validating and reassuring. I think we are in a time of great grief and loss and so our capacity to handle deep sadness, our bandwidth, is stretched thin.
I think given that St Pattys Day just occurred, it was awesome to watch this film. Thank you for honoring Irish culture despite our sadness! I really enjoyed this song during this important holiday: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sKTSpOZMZQI
I think it's hard to measure our impact on people, particularly children, but I know that your impact on them has been greater than you can observe - thank you for what you do. And, thank you for these postings which help me because I find them validating and reassuring as well.
I’ve been teaching 5th grade for 12 years now. I love it, but this year has been HARD. I am losing one colleague for whom this was his 2nd year. The way things are in schools and the fact that everyone thought because he was Navajo he could relate to ALL minority students along with micro aggressions have chased him out. My daughter teaches 6-8 special education I. Washington, and she has observed that this has been the worst year following the pandemic. The same student has thrown her into a wall 2 times and they are talking about letting him back in her class. Social skills are often weak or non-existent. I spend a large portion of every day maintaining orderly transitions and quiet in class. I am exhausted. But it is the work I chose and I don’t see anything I’d rather do. We have all had enough, I think. My daughter and I hope that things will improve in a few years as distance grows between the present and Covid. Fingers crossed.
The way that we've allowed school to become for children breaks my heart--and yet its heartening to know there are so many people--like you--who are teaching them and spending time with kids to make that experience positive. It's funny--I was reluctant to watch that film and then found I really enjoyed it, despite the sorrow--I don't usually have any capacity for sad movie fests any longer, especially the older I get. But something about both sides being bonkers, trying to figure out what is important, what isn't...and then finding that their striving is not about them and affects others. I'm not saying it eloquently but there was something that I found almost reassuring--that sometimes all the things we do to work ourselves up creates our own problems for ourselves as well as others. The idea of creating something immortal, the protestant ethic of productivity, etc. Maybe we need to just let ourselves be.
But I didn't want to turn the comments into a movie review! And I have so much respect for how it affected you--I see that too and I think if it was another day I would have had a hard time watching it. Saving Time is really good--I'm halfway through and it's saying things I know and feel but the context and throughlines in history she parses out is right on. Also--Haines. 💜 The land and the disregard we have for our relationship with it is so missing from most of our lives. Have you read David Abram's Spell of the Sensuous? I just read it and it gives so much to think about, kind of similarly parsing out the throughlines of why we've abandoned our bodies and the land and all of the earth and the consequences of that--not in a defeatest way, but in a liberating way.
"It doesn’t matter if I have a personal pizza in front of me or a large one, I’m eating the whole thing. So I avoid cookies and pizza unless I’m prepared for the consequences. Same with social media and streaming services and anywhere-all-the-time-whenever-someone-feels-like-it communication: some of it just has to go because it’s not good for me, and some of it needs to be essentially unreachable until I am prepared to give it my full attention."
You've told my story here. It's better for me to stay away from that which draws me against my will.
Did my subscription lapse? I thought it would renew automatically. I can't double-subscribe and will wait to hear from you before I click on Subscribe again.
Yours is the only Substack blog that I can afford to subscribe to and I plan to continue subscribing.
Just jumping in here to say thank you for this reminder that the struggle to live less of a derivative life is a worthy one even if it's not popular, rewarded, or simple. This constant tension between our attention and participation in society feels so central to our terrestrial life as humans (esp. nowadays) and it takes a toll. I don't think we acknowledge that enough. Thanks for this one, Chris. 🙏
I didn't know Banshees was a black comedy when I started watching it and I really wish I had because I wouldn't have started. The thing about black comedy is that it's all quite funny for the first half and then BANG. WHAM. TRAUMA! GORE! EXCESSIVE VIOLENCE!
My nervous system can't take it. I abandoned the film as soon as it was clear more appendages were going to be cut off. Alas, it's still living in my brain in the worst, most intrusive way. I am with you. I don't think something needs to be THAT in your face, unless you suspect the audience to be totally numbed out. As a queer person in the world, I don't need any cinematic reminders of the worst things human beings are capable of. :P
"'We live off the surface of things and places, the culture as well as the land; ours is a derivative life: we take what we find without thought, without regard for origin or consequences, unaware for the most part that the resources, both natural and cultural, are fast diminishing.'"
Yeah we do. The most powerful forces (people? industries? ideologies? it's all tangled up) among us seem to be reacting to the obvious disaster we have created by extracting more, producing more, consuming more. What I see, among a thousand other things, is a frenetic wish to fend off mortality that, ironically, is only hastening massive die-offs. We are already presiding over one of the largest extinction events in the planet's history; the logic of ramping up the destruction escapes me.
Which is why I read you. :)
The first time I met wild buffalo was in Yellowstone. We drove a Dodge Caravan (for hauling band gear to gigs but it was also good for road trips); we stopped at the side of the road as a small group were crossing it, and of course they were in no hurry. One huge animal just stood by the side of the car; we quietly rolled the windows down just enough to see and hear and smell. It was taller than our minivan and nothing at all was stopping it from, I don't know, deciding to lean? Or rub off some of its molting summer coat?
But it didn't do anything but stand for several minutes, before slowly taking off. I cannot say what it was like to sit right next to it except: solidity, quiet, patience, the vastness of time. Not entirely unlike waiting under a cedar or sequoia--if the tree were to somehow breathe out loud.
The time listed for the Zoom invite says 7 MST. Do you all not do daylight time? Or was the invite made before the time change? Not that I am booked up on Sunday; I have plenty of time to log in early to see if it's started yet.
Also trying so damn hard to get beneath the “surface of things” - especially helping my kids to feel their place, to feel a deep connection to our corner of the world. I’m really enjoying your newsletter.
I'm trying to grow roots in my little corner of the world, literally and figuratively. ❤️ Looking forward to spring to see the native plants I planted the last two years in our suburban yard come back stronger than ever and to plant more. I had one meadow blazing star plant last year and there was a time when it had three monarch butterflies at once on it, so getting more of those this year.
Thanks, Chris. The comparison about different kinds of willpower was especially helpful. I don't know how kids pay attention in a classroom anymore.
And when I say this year is hard, I taught simultaneously online and in person 2020-2021. That didn’t break me, but this might.
Aww thank you, friend! I definitely have Haines on my list now.
I was talking to a high school teacher in San Francisco yesterday, and he said all his kids were about two years behind; the classroom really needed to be set up as though it were for middle schoolers. My heart truly breaks for all students and educators right now.
Also, I will be at there over Zoom! Can't wait!
Thank you - lovely post. I'm so surprised extra people unsubscribed after your post about where your money comes from - I'd have expected the opposite. Folk, eh?
Ah, Chris! Such good stuff - all of it. Thank you. 💚