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Antonia Malchik's avatar

I wanted to say that reading this was a gut punch, but that feels like it means something bad, so I'll stick with: it really hit home in several different places. 🧡

Isolation and loneliness are weapons of authoritarian and totalitarian states, and empire, for a reason. They atomize not just people's efforts toward creating better societies, but our hearts, spirits, and even abilities to imagine something else. That kind of loneliness makes letting go and being carried away more tempting, drowning in the system that doesn't want to let anyone truly thrive, because fighting on your own is so damn hard.

The search for solidarity you mention here -- that has been a hard one, and I'm sure it's true in countless communities. When you are trying to build something or improve something, the *lack* of solidarity creates its own excruciating loneliness. I can think of countless examples even in the most banal efforts at community change, exponentially harder in more important things.

It's such a specific, subtle kind of loneliness you're talking about here, and I'm so grateful you are. Even we solitude-loving people who prefer to keep our personal spaces private are subject to it, especially if we're trying to do anything in the world. And often one of the only effective and powerful tools we have is the one you're reminding us of: connection, stories, the constant reminder that we're not alone, no matter how lonely we might feel.

Like so many of your essays, this one makes me feel like talking on and on (in solidarity), so I'll shut up. Thank you.

(Also I have not been on one of Chris's Freeflow trips but I bet they're AMAZING and highly recommend this one to anyone considering it but uncertain -- an incredible topic, plus an opportunity to stay at the Prairie Reserve; I've stayed in one of their cabins twice, very close to these yurts, and always yearn to go back. It's something else. The sunset over that part of the Missouri, hearing the meadowlarks in the morning and coyotes at night ...)

🧡🧡🧡

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Karen Davis's avatar

I relate to this. The funny thing is I was just saying I haven’t felt lonely since the pandemic started - I’ve been anxious. I don’t miss all the things I used to do in person in the name of connection. In fact, I felt more lonely then. Maybe because I was doing things for connection but they weren’t making me feel connected. It’s really hard for me to open up in person, I tend instead to try to make sure everyone is OK. And so I have found connection online because I can relax and be connected. But then I find myself wondering, are these connections I’ve made real?  I sometimes feel anxious that I’m not building community. I’m rarely in person with anyone, outside of physical therapy and my family.  I get super nervous about being in person with people now, but then, when I am, I find myself feeling less anxious for a little while. It’s all very hard to figure out.  I know for certain I don’t want to be alone all the time.

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