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Top five dishes that I got really good at cooking this year...

1) pizza al taglio (typically with pepperoni and hatch chilies)

2) pork short ribs braised in adobo and peppers and onions and beer and things

3) soft scrambled eggs

4) homemade club sandwiches (smoking your own bacon unlocks a lot of dishes, tbh. store bacon is relative ass.)

5) Austin-style queso blanco

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I excel at cooking Digiorno.

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Their stuffed crust pepperoni pizza is genuinely one of life's little treats.

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Top one of these that is so damn hard to get right: #3.

(Also, now I want to riff on this with Top Five Foods I Continue to Burn on a Regular Basis, #1 of which is bacon. But I’ve never tried smoking my own, that’s amazing!)

(And also I have a ton of canned hatch green chili sauce I wish I could send you.)

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Have you tried doing bacon on the oven in a sheet pan? I’ve found it really helps get an even cook!

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That's mostly how I do it because I just don't have time in the morning otherwise (getting kids ready for school), even though it's not as crispy, but I am always trying to get so much done in such a short timeframe that I still burn it waaaay too often. (#s 2 and 3 on that list are kale chips and popcorn)

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The soft scramble is tough to get right! The tip is to 1) have the pan at a low heat when you put the eggs in, 2) keep the eggs moving while they cook (i.e. don't let them build up up uneven heat as they touch the pan) and 3) pull them off just a moment before they're done (they'll cook for another minute or so on the plate). And yes - I will eat every hatch Chile that you have! I'll trade you a Possum Pie for them.

Top five foods that I keep fucking up...

1) Apple pies. I've just about had it with their bullshit.

2) White American Cheese. I don't fuck up recipes with it, I just feel weird ordering a pound of white American at the deli counter.

3) Country (or cathead) biscuits. I am incapable of getting a good rise out of that specific dish for reasons that must be spiritual or karmic at this point.

4) cinnamon rolls. See #3.

5) okay but it's genuinely worth it to smoke your own bacon. Store bought stuff is cold smoked, which allows it to "last" longer in your fridge, but it also lacks the variety and depth of flavor that you can achieve by brining and smoking your own. The hardest part about it is finding good pork belly.

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Forgot to mention I keep laughing at the "pound of white American at the deli counter."

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I don't know why they call it that! But I hate it!

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I used to get good pork belly from a local friend who raised heirloom pigs. But he doesn’t anymore. My brother-in-law (who’s a professional chef) was going to smoke it for all of us, but life had other plans (many long stories). There is another local pork place here that I get a lot of stuff from. I’ll ask them if they can give fresh pork belly. But maybe in a few months when things are less busy (LOL, says life).

My dad makes *amazing* apple pie. Or at least he did when I was growing up. I, on the other hand, like to make blueberry and strawberry-rhubarb pies but always end up with a kind of berry soup in a nice crust. Very frustrating. I’m with you with their bullshit.

My spouse canned a ton of hatch green chili sauce a couple summers ago. You want some, I will happily mail you a couple jars. I’m tired of looking at it.

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Asian markets usually keep the stuff in stock, but YMMV as to the quality.

I'm with you on the pies - I'm all in on blueberry, chocolate, and pecan pies now. Life is wild enough already without the stress of making another soggy ass apple pie. I'm also all in on quiche in 2024 (sort of a pie, right?).

Top five sweet pies -

1) blueberry (my mom makes a great one and eating it makes me feel like a kid again in a rare good way)

2) possum pie - an Arkansas original, it's a two day affair and it is worth the effort

3) pecan pie

4) key lime pie

5) apple pie that somebody else has made

Hot take one - pie a la mode is for the birds

Hot take two - pie and red wine go so well together. I like a Malbec as my pie wine, but the right wine is whatever you want it to be.

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"I like Malbec as my pie wine" is totally the opening of a great poem.

"Asian markets usually ..." You don't know where I live 😂 There is a Russian food store, though, randomly.

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"Malbec is a friend

To the pie on my table

Well met in my maw."

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