You with your brake and power steering lines LOL - love it! This is me with much of life.
Top Five Hotel Room Coffees:
1 -
2 -
3 -
4 -
5 -
And I just double checked to make sure I had those in the right order... Happy New Year, Chris. Thanks for these monthly emails, they truly make my day.
1. The despair at finding a yellow warbler window hit on the deck, scooping it into my palm wondering if it will die there to save it from my pretend-to-be-hunting-dogs (chi included) and stood still with the glorious color and design of that beautiful creature in my palm to memorize, as I watched them slowly recover, cocking their head slightly to look at me, only to fly off without any hint of movement into the birches unscathed, matching the color of the last August sunlight in the leaves.
2. Despair at a nuthatch wandering into my room in the summer warmth, hearing its familiar beep-beep call now indoors on my window sill, and resting in the disguise of dust and a drop cloth acting as a blind, and then the sweet bird waited for me to get a ladder to place next to them, and stood still enough for me to grab them gently and carry them outside, flying off in a whir of wings, whispering.
3. Despair at a chickadee flying into my room in the summer warmth, worried again about my avid crazed dogs, only to find the chickadee descending into my hands as it reached the high corner of the room, the weight of its body still in the feeling of my hands as it flew off, again in a whisper.
4. The magpies returning to the feeder and the nuthatches unbothered by their noise and mess.
5. The steller's jays returning to say hello in the quiet of a magpie respite.
The wolf! The brake fluid! a literary agent! BISON. the NINE flickers. Miss those birds, glad to read they're visiting you frequently my friend.
1. Back to camp to get another shovel, almost alone for a couple miles deep in the Bob Marshall, a friendly bluebird visiting for a time, fireweed flowering taller than me, chokecherries to pick, soaked through from the rain, hands numb, never happier.
2. To the part-frozen river in the pre-dawn, thermos and towel in hand, anticipating silent sunrise, a shivering self, and the first hot sip of coffee with ripples for company as sun clears the peaks.
3. Barefoot in the drizzle, soaked through by wet snowberry leaves and the scent of early chamomile.
4. Along the reclamation paths of Butte, eyeing an approaching thunderstorm and following bluebirds and trying not to think of the 10,000 miles of mining tunnels underfoot.
5. Hike into Glacier Slough, low firs and spruces sprouting unexpected mushrooms stored by squirrels, greeting a wild creek at the end bordered by masses of bear tracks among scattered white feathers.
Top one of these that is so damn hard to get right: #3.
(Also, now I want to riff on this with Top Five Foods I Continue to Burn on a Regular Basis, #1 of which is bacon. But I’ve never tried smoking my own, that’s amazing!)
(And also I have a ton of canned hatch green chili sauce I wish I could send you.)
That's mostly how I do it because I just don't have time in the morning otherwise (getting kids ready for school), even though it's not as crispy, but I am always trying to get so much done in such a short timeframe that I still burn it waaaay too often. (#s 2 and 3 on that list are kale chips and popcorn)
The soft scramble is tough to get right! The tip is to 1) have the pan at a low heat when you put the eggs in, 2) keep the eggs moving while they cook (i.e. don't let them build up up uneven heat as they touch the pan) and 3) pull them off just a moment before they're done (they'll cook for another minute or so on the plate). And yes - I will eat every hatch Chile that you have! I'll trade you a Possum Pie for them.
Top five foods that I keep fucking up...
1) Apple pies. I've just about had it with their bullshit.
2) White American Cheese. I don't fuck up recipes with it, I just feel weird ordering a pound of white American at the deli counter.
3) Country (or cathead) biscuits. I am incapable of getting a good rise out of that specific dish for reasons that must be spiritual or karmic at this point.
4) cinnamon rolls. See #3.
5) okay but it's genuinely worth it to smoke your own bacon. Store bought stuff is cold smoked, which allows it to "last" longer in your fridge, but it also lacks the variety and depth of flavor that you can achieve by brining and smoking your own. The hardest part about it is finding good pork belly.
I used to get good pork belly from a local friend who raised heirloom pigs. But he doesn’t anymore. My brother-in-law (who’s a professional chef) was going to smoke it for all of us, but life had other plans (many long stories). There is another local pork place here that I get a lot of stuff from. I’ll ask them if they can give fresh pork belly. But maybe in a few months when things are less busy (LOL, says life).
My dad makes *amazing* apple pie. Or at least he did when I was growing up. I, on the other hand, like to make blueberry and strawberry-rhubarb pies but always end up with a kind of berry soup in a nice crust. Very frustrating. I’m with you with their bullshit.
My spouse canned a ton of hatch green chili sauce a couple summers ago. You want some, I will happily mail you a couple jars. I’m tired of looking at it.
Asian markets usually keep the stuff in stock, but YMMV as to the quality.
I'm with you on the pies - I'm all in on blueberry, chocolate, and pecan pies now. Life is wild enough already without the stress of making another soggy ass apple pie. I'm also all in on quiche in 2024 (sort of a pie, right?).
Top five sweet pies -
1) blueberry (my mom makes a great one and eating it makes me feel like a kid again in a rare good way)
2) possum pie - an Arkansas original, it's a two day affair and it is worth the effort
3) pecan pie
4) key lime pie
5) apple pie that somebody else has made
Hot take one - pie a la mode is for the birds
Hot take two - pie and red wine go so well together. I like a Malbec as my pie wine, but the right wine is whatever you want it to be.
Top Five Out of My Comfort Zone Experiences (in no particular order):
1. Driving a big loop through New Mexico alone.
2. Poetry workshops that required writing on demand and reading aloud (gulp).
3. Two open mics - reading with shaking hands and voice, but reading nonetheless.
4. Holding boundaries with a difficult family member.
5. Turning down a good job that would have eaten up time I want to devote to other things.
Bonus: The traverse of a fairly remote stretch of coastal mountains that my phone led me on to avoid an accident on the normal route--deserted, potholed, rutted, one lane in places, and me alone in my 19 years old creaky car with no cell phone signal and no idea where I was, chanting "this too shall pass" for an entire hour.
Savoring December's one sentence journals (and the last post about community). Happy New Year.
1. Spending most of 2023 writing about the birth family search I did 23 years ago—and finally coming to terms with the Secret.
2. Feeling more bothered about being kept secret from bio fam for the last 23 years (birth mother’s choice).
3. Preparing myself fully in 2023 to write a letter to my bio brother who didn’t know I existed, including daily meditation, therapy, and an astrology reading.
4. Writing the letter and mailing to bio bro the morning of Nov 29, not knowing my birth mother had died alone from a massive heart attack just a few hours earlier, also on Nov. 29.
5. Bio bro gets my reveal letter two days later, not understanding the ways of the universe, yet accepts and welcomes me to the family, and wishes Our mother had told him about me years ago.
“ . . . a large wedge of noisy Canada geese overhead reminds me that the better parts of the world continue . . . “ Thank you for that line; it touched so many memories. I hear geese often where I live, skimming along the river, winging through the night under the Moon, calling, calling. I still have to stop immediately and look up — run out of the house — pull over to the side of the road — whisper my gratitude.
I like the one about the geese too. They are like glorious angels stitching the world together with their flights — and then they land in the parks and completely cover the grass with poop. Their angelic message?
I definitely recommend it! I particularly connected with it because I'm also autistic and a mother, but I think it's worth the read even outside of my personal connections to her story.
Great. I have it, just haven't read it. I've read both of Kaitlin's books (er, I guess two of the three, I think? I mean her most recent two!) and she's agreed to blurb mine which makes me very happy.
Kaitlin is the reason I'm here on Substack, and her book is the one that stuck with me most this year. I listened on audio through the library and then immediately purchased a copy to take notes. It's so beautifully done.
5 memorable moments from my constant deck occupation:
1. Migizi being eternally harassed by gaagaagiwag
2. Nenookaasi yelling at me because they want to drink from their feeder without my presence
3. Osprey carrying its bounty from some nearby waters
4. Jumping spider making a home in a curl of fallen madrone bark
5. Stellar Jay family raising their young in a nest they’ve made in the neighbors tree, forcing me to be social to tell her as I knew she planned to cut said tree down
The smell of creosote will always take me home. I’m originally from AZ and that smell brings a sense of renewal with it. Thank you for the reminder. I love these moments of yours. Beavers are magical!
I agree about the creosote, and the desert in general. Much as I love the north and the cold (I'm really loving this cold snap in Montana, and even as it departs I'm looking forward to the alleged blizzard on our immediate horizon!) but I could really see myself all sweaty and weathered by the sun in a shack out in the desert too. 😂
I spent 30 years in the desert, and it holds a part of me and always will. That said, I’m loving the cold snap in MT. Missoula’s won me over. I never knew I was a mountain girl, but here I am. Finally. Still enjoying the crunch of snow under my boots, and even the tiny blades in the subzero air. I hope we get that storm!
This was my top 1 of your sentence posts! Congrats on a new Agent. I’m preparing for 2024 to be the year I seriously write my river memoir - hopefully joining another Freeflow trip too!
You with your brake and power steering lines LOL - love it! This is me with much of life.
Top Five Hotel Room Coffees:
1 -
2 -
3 -
4 -
5 -
And I just double checked to make sure I had those in the right order... Happy New Year, Chris. Thanks for these monthly emails, they truly make my day.
😂
Top five bird experiences:
1. The despair at finding a yellow warbler window hit on the deck, scooping it into my palm wondering if it will die there to save it from my pretend-to-be-hunting-dogs (chi included) and stood still with the glorious color and design of that beautiful creature in my palm to memorize, as I watched them slowly recover, cocking their head slightly to look at me, only to fly off without any hint of movement into the birches unscathed, matching the color of the last August sunlight in the leaves.
2. Despair at a nuthatch wandering into my room in the summer warmth, hearing its familiar beep-beep call now indoors on my window sill, and resting in the disguise of dust and a drop cloth acting as a blind, and then the sweet bird waited for me to get a ladder to place next to them, and stood still enough for me to grab them gently and carry them outside, flying off in a whir of wings, whispering.
3. Despair at a chickadee flying into my room in the summer warmth, worried again about my avid crazed dogs, only to find the chickadee descending into my hands as it reached the high corner of the room, the weight of its body still in the feeling of my hands as it flew off, again in a whisper.
4. The magpies returning to the feeder and the nuthatches unbothered by their noise and mess.
5. The steller's jays returning to say hello in the quiet of a magpie respite.
The wolf! The brake fluid! a literary agent! BISON. the NINE flickers. Miss those birds, glad to read they're visiting you frequently my friend.
These are all SO great. 💚
Top 5 walks:
1. Back to camp to get another shovel, almost alone for a couple miles deep in the Bob Marshall, a friendly bluebird visiting for a time, fireweed flowering taller than me, chokecherries to pick, soaked through from the rain, hands numb, never happier.
2. To the part-frozen river in the pre-dawn, thermos and towel in hand, anticipating silent sunrise, a shivering self, and the first hot sip of coffee with ripples for company as sun clears the peaks.
3. Barefoot in the drizzle, soaked through by wet snowberry leaves and the scent of early chamomile.
4. Along the reclamation paths of Butte, eyeing an approaching thunderstorm and following bluebirds and trying not to think of the 10,000 miles of mining tunnels underfoot.
5. Hike into Glacier Slough, low firs and spruces sprouting unexpected mushrooms stored by squirrels, greeting a wild creek at the end bordered by masses of bear tracks among scattered white feathers.
👣❤️
Top five dishes that I got really good at cooking this year...
1) pizza al taglio (typically with pepperoni and hatch chilies)
2) pork short ribs braised in adobo and peppers and onions and beer and things
3) soft scrambled eggs
4) homemade club sandwiches (smoking your own bacon unlocks a lot of dishes, tbh. store bacon is relative ass.)
5) Austin-style queso blanco
I excel at cooking Digiorno.
Their stuffed crust pepperoni pizza is genuinely one of life's little treats.
Top one of these that is so damn hard to get right: #3.
(Also, now I want to riff on this with Top Five Foods I Continue to Burn on a Regular Basis, #1 of which is bacon. But I’ve never tried smoking my own, that’s amazing!)
(And also I have a ton of canned hatch green chili sauce I wish I could send you.)
Have you tried doing bacon on the oven in a sheet pan? I’ve found it really helps get an even cook!
That's mostly how I do it because I just don't have time in the morning otherwise (getting kids ready for school), even though it's not as crispy, but I am always trying to get so much done in such a short timeframe that I still burn it waaaay too often. (#s 2 and 3 on that list are kale chips and popcorn)
The soft scramble is tough to get right! The tip is to 1) have the pan at a low heat when you put the eggs in, 2) keep the eggs moving while they cook (i.e. don't let them build up up uneven heat as they touch the pan) and 3) pull them off just a moment before they're done (they'll cook for another minute or so on the plate). And yes - I will eat every hatch Chile that you have! I'll trade you a Possum Pie for them.
Top five foods that I keep fucking up...
1) Apple pies. I've just about had it with their bullshit.
2) White American Cheese. I don't fuck up recipes with it, I just feel weird ordering a pound of white American at the deli counter.
3) Country (or cathead) biscuits. I am incapable of getting a good rise out of that specific dish for reasons that must be spiritual or karmic at this point.
4) cinnamon rolls. See #3.
5) okay but it's genuinely worth it to smoke your own bacon. Store bought stuff is cold smoked, which allows it to "last" longer in your fridge, but it also lacks the variety and depth of flavor that you can achieve by brining and smoking your own. The hardest part about it is finding good pork belly.
Forgot to mention I keep laughing at the "pound of white American at the deli counter."
I don't know why they call it that! But I hate it!
I used to get good pork belly from a local friend who raised heirloom pigs. But he doesn’t anymore. My brother-in-law (who’s a professional chef) was going to smoke it for all of us, but life had other plans (many long stories). There is another local pork place here that I get a lot of stuff from. I’ll ask them if they can give fresh pork belly. But maybe in a few months when things are less busy (LOL, says life).
My dad makes *amazing* apple pie. Or at least he did when I was growing up. I, on the other hand, like to make blueberry and strawberry-rhubarb pies but always end up with a kind of berry soup in a nice crust. Very frustrating. I’m with you with their bullshit.
My spouse canned a ton of hatch green chili sauce a couple summers ago. You want some, I will happily mail you a couple jars. I’m tired of looking at it.
Asian markets usually keep the stuff in stock, but YMMV as to the quality.
I'm with you on the pies - I'm all in on blueberry, chocolate, and pecan pies now. Life is wild enough already without the stress of making another soggy ass apple pie. I'm also all in on quiche in 2024 (sort of a pie, right?).
Top five sweet pies -
1) blueberry (my mom makes a great one and eating it makes me feel like a kid again in a rare good way)
2) possum pie - an Arkansas original, it's a two day affair and it is worth the effort
3) pecan pie
4) key lime pie
5) apple pie that somebody else has made
Hot take one - pie a la mode is for the birds
Hot take two - pie and red wine go so well together. I like a Malbec as my pie wine, but the right wine is whatever you want it to be.
"I like Malbec as my pie wine" is totally the opening of a great poem.
"Asian markets usually ..." You don't know where I live 😂 There is a Russian food store, though, randomly.
"Malbec is a friend
To the pie on my table
Well met in my maw."
Top Five Out of My Comfort Zone Experiences (in no particular order):
1. Driving a big loop through New Mexico alone.
2. Poetry workshops that required writing on demand and reading aloud (gulp).
3. Two open mics - reading with shaking hands and voice, but reading nonetheless.
4. Holding boundaries with a difficult family member.
5. Turning down a good job that would have eaten up time I want to devote to other things.
Bonus: The traverse of a fairly remote stretch of coastal mountains that my phone led me on to avoid an accident on the normal route--deserted, potholed, rutted, one lane in places, and me alone in my 19 years old creaky car with no cell phone signal and no idea where I was, chanting "this too shall pass" for an entire hour.
Savoring December's one sentence journals (and the last post about community). Happy New Year.
So great to get out of the comfort zone. Nice work! 💪🏽
Top Headline of 2023:
He Just Loves Beards (So Much)
😆
Top 5 Steps on an Adoptee’s Journey
1. Spending most of 2023 writing about the birth family search I did 23 years ago—and finally coming to terms with the Secret.
2. Feeling more bothered about being kept secret from bio fam for the last 23 years (birth mother’s choice).
3. Preparing myself fully in 2023 to write a letter to my bio brother who didn’t know I existed, including daily meditation, therapy, and an astrology reading.
4. Writing the letter and mailing to bio bro the morning of Nov 29, not knowing my birth mother had died alone from a massive heart attack just a few hours earlier, also on Nov. 29.
5. Bio bro gets my reveal letter two days later, not understanding the ways of the universe, yet accepts and welcomes me to the family, and wishes Our mother had told him about me years ago.
Oof. Miigwech, Melissa. 🙏🏽❤️
“ . . . a large wedge of noisy Canada geese overhead reminds me that the better parts of the world continue . . . “ Thank you for that line; it touched so many memories. I hear geese often where I live, skimming along the river, winging through the night under the Moon, calling, calling. I still have to stop immediately and look up — run out of the house — pull over to the side of the road — whisper my gratitude.
Canada geese are underrated in their magnificence.
I like the one about the geese too. They are like glorious angels stitching the world together with their flights — and then they land in the parks and completely cover the grass with poop. Their angelic message?
"Look up, but watch your step."
Maybe it's a Zen koan?
😂
Top 5 birds we hear in our yard in downtown Stuttgart:
1. Blackbird (Turdus merula)
2. Eurasian blackcap (Sylvia atricapilla)
3. Tawny owl (Strix aluco)
4. Feral pigeon
5. Amazona oratrix -- no joke!!
Feral pigeons!
Top 5 Books & Authors read in 2023 who pressed my face into the visceral intensity of damage done by pale faces like mine:
1. The Seed Keeper by Diane Wilson
2. To Shape A Dragon's Breath by Moniquill Blackgoose
3. The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store by James McBride
4. The Doctor's Blackwell by Janice P. Mimura
5. Calling For A Blanket Dance by Oscar Hokeah
I love every time I see Diane Wilson's name on a list like this. The Seed Keeper really is a lovely book.
Top five nonfiction books I read:
1. Living Resistance: An Indigenous Vision for Seeking Wholeness Every Day by Kaitlin Curtice
2. The Electricity of Every Living Thing by Katherine May
3. Touched Out: Motherhood, Misogyny, Consent, and Control by Amanda Montei
4. Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily and Amelia Nagoski
5. Feel Something, Make Something: A Guide to Collaborating with Your Emotions by Caitlin Metz
I ❤️ Kaitlin Curtis! And Katherine May too, though that book is the one of hers I haven't read yet.
I definitely recommend it! I particularly connected with it because I'm also autistic and a mother, but I think it's worth the read even outside of my personal connections to her story.
Great. I have it, just haven't read it. I've read both of Kaitlin's books (er, I guess two of the three, I think? I mean her most recent two!) and she's agreed to blurb mine which makes me very happy.
Kaitlin is the reason I'm here on Substack, and her book is the one that stuck with me most this year. I listened on audio through the library and then immediately purchased a copy to take notes. It's so beautifully done.
5 memorable moments from my constant deck occupation:
1. Migizi being eternally harassed by gaagaagiwag
2. Nenookaasi yelling at me because they want to drink from their feeder without my presence
3. Osprey carrying its bounty from some nearby waters
4. Jumping spider making a home in a curl of fallen madrone bark
5. Stellar Jay family raising their young in a nest they’ve made in the neighbors tree, forcing me to be social to tell her as I knew she planned to cut said tree down
Miigwech as always
Nenookaasi! ❤️
Top five deaths, yes it's been that kind of year...
1) My mother
2) My best friend's son
3) A dear friend's husband who called me daughter
4) Our old dog Red
5) My dad's dog Rita
Ugh. Rough year. ❤️🙏🏽
2023 sounds like such a heavy hearted year...💛
Congrats on the new literary agent!
So many wonderful sentences in this month. My faves are, well All of them but these stuck out for me:
1216 - pure poetry, 1219 -- bison always a joy and great teachers, 1222 - bison again, yes That wait is worth it, human traffic just sucks
And 1213 - how many of us have done something similar?
Wishing 2024 treats you well.
All best in 2024 to you too, Mariah! 🦬
Wrote these a while ago & forgot to post! Thanks for the prompt. :)
Top 5 outdoors moments of 2023 --
-- Woke up pre-dawn to drop my bf off at work. Swung by a wetland on the way home and saw a beaver, beavering away. Magic!
-- Got caught in a downpour while kayaking with a friend and was "rescued" by an affable teen. "I never get to take the powerboat out," he said.
-- Smelling the desert rain-scented creosote bushes to start & end the year.
-- Watching eagles & eating crab fries with @thomaspluck.
-- The morning light staining the Montana cliffs pink -- and knowing I had canoed there, of all things.
The smell of creosote will always take me home. I’m originally from AZ and that smell brings a sense of renewal with it. Thank you for the reminder. I love these moments of yours. Beavers are magical!
I agree about the creosote, and the desert in general. Much as I love the north and the cold (I'm really loving this cold snap in Montana, and even as it departs I'm looking forward to the alleged blizzard on our immediate horizon!) but I could really see myself all sweaty and weathered by the sun in a shack out in the desert too. 😂
I spent 30 years in the desert, and it holds a part of me and always will. That said, I’m loving the cold snap in MT. Missoula’s won me over. I never knew I was a mountain girl, but here I am. Finally. Still enjoying the crunch of snow under my boots, and even the tiny blades in the subzero air. I hope we get that storm!
❤️🦫❤️
This was my top 1 of your sentence posts! Congrats on a new Agent. I’m preparing for 2024 to be the year I seriously write my river memoir - hopefully joining another Freeflow trip too!
Do it! I think I'm doing one on the Salmon this year. I'm meeting with Chandra on Thursday!
Ah!!! Perhaps my favorite river EVER